Name: juuitsu watanabe
anacrusis
cuteoverload
daily puppy
InMyLife
limine
mafidl
monkeybaby
newly
not always right
oberon
PostSecret
sheol
today
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
visited *loading* times
so i'm playing with a new blog over here. i'm not totally decided where i'm going to stay, but it's going to be the camp-out spot for now. sorry about the inconvenience. it's that fascination with new gadgets that's doing it. blame that!
awake late at night
sleep eludes my tired mind
damn karaoke
~ a haiku, by yours truly
i slept right through it this weekend. here's how:
i went to see amanda palmer (one half of the dresden dolls) in the city on friday night. the show started at 10 - ack - i should have checked. but i'm so, so glad that i went. she was really good. like, i don't care if i've never heard this song before, she rocks! good. and the people who went on before her were also good (except for the chick who was stalling between sets - she was not good. she was ungood. and unfunny. and if it wasn't on purpose then, ow, and if it was, then, why?). they were: emilyn brodsky (dude, she plays the ukelele!), and vermillion lies (they have a little dancing man in a box...AND little bells. ting-a-ling, man). emilyn's album is called "Greatest Tits." it should have a picture of a Great Tit on it, but it does not. i shall find one for my amusement. here:
i am listening to it now. thanks to oberon who bought it so we could both enjoy it. he is awesome like that. i now regret having blown off the annual ukelele fest that monkeybaby invited me to attend a couple weeks ago. i decided i needed EXERCISE instead of ukeleles. i am a complete moron and i shall regret it for...the next 6 minutes. and then i will move on.
by the time i got home (3 a.m.) the karaoke bar was closed. hurray! and the drunk people who hang out in the alley, in the streets, in the who knows where else had all gone home, or had curled up quietly somewhere else. i would have enjoyed this ever so much more had i not had to wake up again at 7. that was sleeping in, too, because i left the house at 7:30 to go to work. ugh. i was surprisingly lucid and pleasant for someone so sleep-deprived. who knows what i told people, though. halfway through the day, i got a call from the instructor of my class (the class was going on off-site, and i was checking on them periodically throughout the day), "we have a toilet paper emergency!" she said. so i put on my cape (i am a bonafide superhero on saturdays) and stuffed a few rolls of TP in my bag and headed on over. it was NOT an emergency. they had enough to get them through the day, and then some. with my additional rolls we could probably make it into next month. the day ended without further mishap, and around 7:00, i shut my bedroom window (damned if i'm going to let the karaoke interfere with my REST) and promptly fell asleep. i'm pretty sure that i could have slept through anything at that point.
there is little that equals the bliss of actually getting enough sleep, waking up exactly when you want to, and taking as long as you want to creak, yawn, and stretch yourself into consciousness. i enjoyed every minute of it. and then i went for a 20-mile bike ride, during which i was attacked by an overzealous dog. yay. i sympathize with the dog, but not so much its people, who should have been a lot quicker (spit spot!) calling it off. instead, i had a doggie companion nipping and slavering at my legs. i wasn't sure what to do. i was going pretty slowly through its territory, and i didn't want to speed up and get it further excited (some dogs just like to chase whatever moves). i also didn't want to get knocked off my bike, or bitten, and i wasn't sure if stopping would improve my chances of avoiding either. the dog called itself off when i left its territory - its people were yelling by this time. i shouted back, "thanks for letting your dog attack me!" but they probably couldn't hear/understand me. oh well. i'm not scared of dogs so much as i'm scared of falling and further screwing up my already screwed up self.
i keep hearing these horror stories about people having terrible bike accidents. there was the guy who was mobbed by territorial red-winged blackbirds and he panicked and skidded off the bike trail into...certain doom, i guess. he DIED. he wasn't wearing a helmet. and most recently, a coworker's husband slid off the road on his scooter and fractured his skull. he's doing ok. in addition to the fractured skull, he's got broken ribs, a leaky spleen, abrasions all over his body, an inflamed knee, and multiple other injuries. he told the people who found him on the side of the road that he wanted to "go home and take a shower." the emergency people brought him to his wife who said, "good lord, take him to a hospital!" he's still bleeding out the ear, which, according to his doctors (he has five), is to be expected. yeah. i'm a little concerned as he and i share a penchant for self-injury AND stubbornness. so i'm going to wear my helmet on my bike excursions (at least those that take place on the ROAD), because i don't want to end up killed by starlings or stupidity.
right. where was i? sunday. so, o. and i had talked about watching some more Carnivale, but then he said he wasn't feeling like it, so i did some laundry and read a book, and then decided to head to the woods to get in a hike (it was absolutely beautiful on sunday). on the way there he called and said maybe he *did* feel like hanging out. we agreed to meet up a little later - after i'd had my hike and he'd made the drive out to my place. gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous day. i wish i'd thought to bring my camera. there were water lilies blooming on the lake, lily pads everywhere, and several butterflies lazily sunning their wings and i could have had PICTURES. but no. i'll have to go back soon and take a more leisurely stroll. as it was, i underestimated the time it would take to do the loop i'm most familiar with (although, i managed not to get lost this time and add another 3 miles onto my hike), so i ended up running the last bit of it. it took me just over an hour to get back to my car, and then another 20 minutes to drive home. and o. was already there by the time i got there and, i think, a bit annoyed about the wait. dinner and ice cream improved his mood considerably. :) he left a bit before 8, and i went back to sleep.
i feel much, much better.
i stayed late at work trying to clean off my desk...it's just not happening. there are a bunch of things i'm in the middle of, and people keep adding to the mess. i hate that. i'd just taken care of the latest batch of *problem* books, and as i was taking my leave, someone dropped two more on the ONLY clean corner. just.stop.
one of my teens tonight zoned out in the middle of whatever we were talking about - excuse me, whatever *i* was talking about - and then she interrupted with a, "are you actually talking to someone?" which i thought was rather rude. so i gave her what for. and after that? everyone was very, very well-behaved. we even got some things accomplished (i had a more involved agenda for this month's meeting than i usually do, so they had a little less time to just talk amongst themselves). not everything, and not some of the most important things, but SOME things. which can be kind of rare for this group. anyway, there were no hard (or hurt) feelings, and it's probably good that we had one of those boundary-establishing moments.
this afternoon i met briefly with some people to talk about expansion possibilities - if the referendum passes. they did a lot of work a few years ago - just before i arrived - in preparation for the last time they went for referendum. we can't use the same exact numbers/sketches/plans because, if we get what we're asking for, it will be significantly less than what we requested a few years ago. this just blows my mind, by the way, because if we only expand a little, we're going to outgrow THAT space in a jiffy and then have to ask for more money (which will make people angry). it's frustrating. i asked today if there was any way we could build something larger, leaving part of it unoccupied/unused until we *did* have money to staff it. it seems like a waste of money/time/resources to build an addition, and then build another one, and then build another one, ad infinitum. i had one brilliant idea - to combine our book sale space with a cafe (we currently have a few shelves near the entrance where the friends of the library sell donated and discarded books - they do surprisingly well, and there are a lot of people who volunteer their time to look after it). my boss thought this was a smashingly good idea. maybe it will go somewhere. we talked a bit about furniture for a teen space, and what all i'd like in there. since i have no idea what kind of space i'm going to get (assuming we get the vote), this is all sort of nebulous. i can't imagine what it's going to look like...mostly, i'm wishing i had a really good space for teen programs, and it doesn't sound like there's any kind of budget for that (i'm going to be stuck using the adult or children's meeting/program spaces). i saw one that i liked a lot this past spring - it was a medium-sized, long room. on one side was a sort of counter/bar with stools, and then one wall was all window-seating. in between were tables and chairs (like a coffee house kind of atmosphere). the far wall was just painted white, and was large enough to project movies or video games on. it had a lot of possibilities. i'm going to see if i can collect some pictures of really great spaces, so i can have more/better input into the design of ours.
whoa nelly! one of nelly furtado's albums is called "Whoa, Nelly!" and i've always thought that was a great title (i really like one of her songs and initially felt like - every time i heard it - her voice was just exploding into me, a huge uncontrollable force). it's like nelly is so full of something she's going to explode - energy, excitement, GLEE - i don't know what. and i get to imagine the impending cataclysm, that sensation of being just too full of IT. [where IT = some positive wonderful thing that it's good to be full of, but there's still too much; spillage is imminent.]
i can't sleep either. i mean, i could, but i'm not. that's been my choice this week. i read and don't sleep, i get up before i've had enough sleep, i stay up late talking to people who aren't going to get up early and thus can contribute to my lack of sleep... i'm just doing it all wrong.
and i'm having strange dreams.
the other night, i was reading about Guatemala before i went to sleep and thinking about Carnivale (the HBO show) and in my dream i squeezed through this inflatable passageway (it was like one of those inflatable sky chambers where they do astronomy shows...) and into a room concealed just beyond. there were other people in the room watching a woman strip off all of her clothes. for awhile i just stayed in the entrance - with only my head and shoulders (i am a bust!) in the room. at some point i climbed out to get closer to the action. when the dancer/stripper finished her show, everyone slowly turned to me and stared. i was very uncomfortable. then, one of the men offered me $500 to take off *my* clothes. i was quiet a moment - to give the appearance that i was actually considering his offer. maybe i was. then i asked him, "is that $500 in American dollars, or in Guatemalan quetzals?" and then i woke up. bizarre, and yet, not at all, given the material my brain had to work with. a lot of my dreams are like that - i can see where the parts came from and how my subconscious has playfully reassembled them. it's sort of neat, but doesn't lend much credence to dreams being prophetic or deepy, universally symbolic.
yesterday i caught up on all of the messages i've been ignoring. and today i'm behind again because, go figure, everyone wrote back. this both delights and horrifies me. and the guilt shall now begin its stealthy encroachment on my sense of well-being as i begin to ignore these *new* messages.
a friend of mine was telling me he wishes we were closer, so that we could do lots of sweaty things together. like walking. and biking. and then he sent me a link to this. where is this randall so that i may walk with him? and tent. and stuff?
so, you may have heard about the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer. they're a series of teen vampire romances that are wildly popular with their demographic (particularly the squealy girl crowd). :) while i love the teens' enthusiasm for the series, i'm not really drawn to it myself. i read the first book, Twilight, in my bathtub and kept wondering when Bella - the main character - was going to morph into the powerful girl-on-the-cusp-of-womanhood that i wanted her to be. she hasn't. yet. still. Bella falls in love with a vampire - it's one of those doomed relationships. either they stay together as they are and she gets old and decrepit eventually (and dies! DIES!) or Edward (the vampire) bites her and she loses her humanity (does she care? hell no!) and they get to spend eternity together. eternity is a long time. i'm not sure i could tolerate *anyone* for eternity. Bella's constantly in danger when she's with Edward, and she's always getting hurt or abducted or winding up in the hospital, so Edward decides that they should break up. this decision throws Bella into a depression so deep she loses track of herself completely. this should *never* happen, by the way - no person should have such a powerful hold on you that you disintegrate in their absence. i can't even tell you how much reading that irritated me, especially since people think that's so romantic. "i can't liiiiiiiive...if livin' is without you! i can't giiiiiiiiiive, i can't give anymore!" (thank you, Badfinger.) i bet Bella supports bride burning. love, or loss thereof should never be allowed to destroy you.
ok. rant *mostly* over.
Stephenie actually addresses Bella's character *flaws* on her website and says that people deal with their grief in different ways, which i guess i am willing to concede. i will also admit that at that same age (the TEEN age) i would have been ready to commit myself to becoming a vampire just so i could live forever. do you get to keep your youthful energy, i wonder? or does maturity bring its own version of exhaustion? would the mind/consciousness tire of its existence despite youthful spryness?
best summary comment from one of my listservs:
"Bite her and kill her for us already!"
some sage advice from Auntie Aya in The Language of Baklava, Diana Abu-Jaber's culinary memoir:
"'Marry, don't marry,' Auntie Aya says as we unfold layers of dough to make an apple strudel. 'Just don't have your babies unless it's absolutely necessary.'"
"'How do I know if it's necessary?'"
"She stops and stares ahead, her hands gloved in flour. 'Ask yourself, Do I want a baby or do I want to make a cake? The answer will come to you like bells ringing.' She flickers her fingers in the air by her ear. 'For me, almost always, the answer was cake.'"
***
i think *my* answer is ice cream. or possibly chocolate chip cookies. or maybe... bunnies. probably not cake. definitely not babies.
still awake. i'm listening to the soundtrack from The Piano, not a good choice. it's making me maudlin.
i should have dug out my cassette-playing walkPerson (hee) and put in the mix that george made me back in college. he wanted to share some of his favorite beethoven pieces with me - they were ones i'd never heard - and it ended up being the thing i listened to while writing most of my papers throughout my time there. i associate beethoven (now) with concentration. it helps me focus.
i feel like i've just attended some kind of high school reunion event. several people i knew from high school recently *discovered* the evil known as facebook. (facebook irritates me. i forget why i created an account there. so many annoying widget-y things, a few neat ones, a lot of the same stuff over and over again, and more e-clutter than i really enjoy. i like to keep things neat.) and one of them posted a bunch of pictures of us from high school, so there's been a lot of commentary on those...like, "who IS that?" and "i have no recollection of these events..." and "i wonder what ever happened to so-and-so?" oh man, and the questionable fashion sense! it's kind of like being back in high school again. a little strange. i also got phone calls and emails from some people i haven't talked to in a long time, which is playing into the reunion effect.
meh. still maudlin.
i'm trying to decide if i should stay up and write something or just go to bed. the way the karaoke is karrying on out there, i'm thinking i won't get to sleep right away anyhow. so...
i just got back from a nice long walk. yeah, it's officially the middle of the night, but i was frustrated and full of that useless, restless kind of energy that just makes you stub your toes on things inside because you can't get away from yourself or your thoughts.
i can't find anything to follow this.
Template by
motime.com |