veiled exuberance

none shall pass.

advice from a teen sex book:

"you can always bail!"

hm.

posted by: juuitsu at June 30, 2007 12:19 | link | comments (5) |

i made a list! 

i am crossing things off said list.

next item - walk to the store and buy a card that says, "happy wedding!" or something to that effect.  i suppose i could draw one...but then i won't get a walk in and i won't get a snack either.

so much to do before tomorrow!  and i must rest.

i have beaten the laundry facilities by only drying one load of laundry at a time.  when i use both dryers neither dryer dries particularly well.  i wonder if anyone has pointed this out to the lords of land.  hm.  i haven't sent my rent check yet (another reason i should leave the house to get the card and the walk and the snack - must stop at the mailbox), so i could just write a note on the outside of the envelope.  double hm.  or, you know, forget until next time it comes up.

i think this limeade i made is making my stomach unhappy.  it tastes lovely, but it's pure acid.  sizzle.  *examines hole in stomach*  ruh-roh.

posted by: juuitsu at June 30, 2007 03:04 | link | comments (2) |

at the drawing thingie last night one of the kids said that his friend likes to draw people with tons of pockets on their pants - pockets EVERYWHERE.  he was all, "isn't that the weirdest thing ever?"  and i said, "man, you NEED places to put all your STUFF!"  i'm always grumpy when i realize my shorts or my *work* pants are the ones without the pockets.  pockets are damn useful.  ok, ok.  i'm also she who refuses to carry a purse.  i have 1.) a messenger bag, 2.) a backpack, and 3.) a hoodie with pockets.  i don't generally use all three at the same time. 

a list of random things:

1.) i'm covered with dried splotches of clay.  i'm almost too tired to bother washing it off.

2.) but, my feet smell like shoes (and not in a good way), so i might get around to it after all.

3.) i found $10 on my walk this morning and spent more than half of it on a sub from jimmy john's for dinner - my new favorite JJ's is #11.  i don't know what it's actual name is.

4.) i glazed things in pottery class tonight which means that *next* week i will have *gasp* POTS!  i mean real finished ones.  wheel throwing is deceptively satisfying for the impatient.  you can throw a lot of stuff in a relatively short amount of time, but you're not really finished until the final firing.  intermediary to that are several other steps: allow pots to dry to leather hardness, trim pots, make and then add handles or other doodads at this stage, allow pots to dry to 'bone-dryness' or 'greenware' state (at this point you can add decorative slips or carvings, etchings, etc. - then allow the pieces to dry again), bisque fire your pieces (which shall now be known as bisqueware), glaze pieces, allow to dry completely, fire AGAIN.  allow to cool.  if you're using a wood kiln this final firing can take several days to finish.  and since the class is only once a week...  i'm accustomed to the Way of Things by now, though, and feel pretty efficient.  i have things in process that i can work on while i'm waiting for other things.  i was chatting with someone before class today and she was telling me all of the stuff she had on her to do list for tonight's class.  the first thing she was going to do was pull a handle.  and i said, "do you have something to attach it to?"  she said, "no."  and i was mightily confused.  as far as i know you can't get a piece thrown, trimmed, and dried in 2 hours and THEN attach a handle to it.  ain't gonna happen.  she had a chat with our instructor and confirmed that. 

5.) when i woke up this morning i was not sweating!  and the day got progressively cooler.  it's like the humidity just disappeared.  i am so relieved. 

6.) i just spent an obscene amount of money on a new tv.  it was a whim.  it's exactly how i work though.  i've been *looking* at new tvs for over a year now - considering.  and then i read all of this stuff about them, talk to my brother and decide to do nothing.  i start thinking that i want the best thing that i can afford and then realize that there's some other model that has even better things and why not just wait for that one to come down in price (except that something new will take its place).  and then i just get fed up and forget about it for awhile.  until something happens and i spontaneously buy something - damn the research, damn the reviews...  at least two things converge at this point - good enough and cheap enough.  ok, three things.  good enough, cheap enough, and i'm sick of thinking about this!  right.  so it's on its way!  and that is a very exciting thing, indeed.  i'm not sure that i'll watch it any more than i do my current set (which is really my brother's old set, which i can now give back to him), but it sure will be a more pleasant (i hope) experience.  hm.  but if it ships via UPS, they probably won't leave it.  hm.  and so i should ask a parent or two if they'd be willing to stake out my apartment when it's supposed to arrive so that it can be received. 

7.) it's really, really, really time for bed.

posted by: juuitsu at June 29, 2007 04:54 | link | comments (4) |

mm.  what did i say about lateness?  it's now 1am and i'm STILL up.  stupid stupid STUPID.  gah.  i am going to be one exhausted me tomorr...fuck.  later today.  whywhywhy?

i really want cookies.  but the cookies i made were bar cookies and the cookies i want are drop cookies (chocolate chunk ones).  i'd eat cookie dough.  that would be fine.  cold cookie dough, soft chocolate chips.  why do i torture myself? 

going to bed NOW.

posted by: juuitsu at June 28, 2007 07:13 | link | comments |

if i'm not writing about how very *tired* i am, i'm writing about how very *late* it is...which can only lead to more tired. it's wednesday, nearly thursday (early in the morning) and i'm finally recovered from my missed sleep this weekend. why does it take so long?  and more to the point, why am i staying up late AGAIN?  *sloppy smile*  [eric the half-a-grin??]  because i worked late.  and i can't calm down and just go to sleep.  Things are still percolating in my brains. 

i cleaned my apartment today - rabbits, kitchen, bathroom, MAJOR vacuuming - because i didn't have to go into work until noon.  it was satisfying.  i feel all hypersensitive to everything this week - smells, sounds, tastes.  most of this stuff i've encountered outside my space, but it felt good to take care of all of my own stuff.  i even cleaned the bathroom when i got home from work.  that was...overkill.  i think i spilled bleach on my shower curtain, too - which is cloth and which will have spots and which i'm too tired to do anything about.  oh well.

work has been almost surreal.  i've been there only sporadically.  monday i stayed home, tuesday i had a program at another location and i spent most of the day driving back and forth between there and the library - making sure everything was ok and that they had everything they needed.  (honestly, it would have been less disruptive if i'd just stayed there all day.  i'm going to suggest that for the next session that we do in August.  this racing around back and forth was lame.)  this evening i had yet another program, but since it was only a couple hours long, i got to stay for that and actually participate (woo!).  it was a drawing class and the artist was awesome.  we've had her come out before and teach classes and everyone leaves her programs adoring her.  no air conditioning at our location, so we were all pretty hot and miserable.  things are going well programwise and attendancewise...i just feel a bit disconnected from what everyone else is doing back at the library/in our office (but this is probably something i need - at least for a little while - so that i can decide how much i want to be doing in cahoots with the rest of the YS staff).

i'm having a bad week foodwise - i bought lots of good things to eat, but it's been hot and awful and i don't feel like eating any of it. the things i *do* feel like eating are handfuls of grapes, chunks of cheese, limeade, ice, and salty crunchy things (so far i've had combos and szechuan rice crisps). i should have skipped the grocery shopping, obviously, because i'd rather pick up salads and sandwiches and iced green tea from panera. *sigh*   not that i've done this, mind you.  i'm grazing on little bits of what i have and ignoring the rest - thus the dissatisfaction.

i'm toying with the idea of creating a separate site for book reviews.  AGAIN.  i keep thinking it would be cool to have it be database-driven, but i currently lack the knowhow for setting that up.  i could probably pick up this knowhow in not too long a time frame, but i really don't need/want to be sitting in front of my computer any more than i already do.  so...yeah.  if i decide that that's too complicated, i'll probably end up putting them all on another blog.  maybe that's the thing to do regardless.  then i can stop my internal kvetching about not following through on things that i want to be doing.  i need Staff.  and/or Associates.

so, one thing i *have* been doing is making a lot of art.  and that's been very good.  it is, in fact, possible to forget that one is a very creative person, and just get busy and bogged down doing Other Things.  i'm glad that i've got at least enough discipline to continue with one art-y project - plus, there's that pottery class i'm taking.  that's helped keep me sane.  it's a good re-balancer - a kind of yoga for my head.

some postcards i've made/sent recently:


oberon also commissioned some art for one of his games.  i don't know if the final results suit his purposes, but it was fun (and challenging) to attempt to create something that fit his vision.  i ended up examining many photographs of Real Live Moths (close-ups of moth mouth and eye and tongue and leg and wing bits...*shudder*  - sometimes rather horrifying) to get my moth people anatomically correct.  since most of my drawings are random doodle-y things (coming from memory, or flights of fancy, or that Deep Dark Root of My Mind) they're often look cartoonish, or possibly unfinished.  these seem more polished in some ways.  anyway, the experience let me rediscover a technique (working from real things) that i'm usually too lazy to bother with, and proved that research and observation can improve the end result.  the practice of drawing/sketching has done a lot to improve my rusty skills, and i'm really happy about that.

the mothpeople:

posted by: juuitsu at June 28, 2007 05:57 | link | comments (5) |

remind me how i start these again?  oh, that's right...

"I'm soooooo tired..."

i was up all of the night.  i hadn't meant to be, but i went to hear some readings, met some new people, chatted with some i already knew a little, and then ended up watching Silent Hill with oberon, nina, 1 dog, and 1-4 cats.  i think i may have seen all 5 cats in the course of the time we were there, but i can't be certain.  i was definitely imagining things by the time i left.  o. wasn't much better off. 

we made it back to o.'s place by 5ish this morning, and fell asleep around 6.  i woke up again at 9 because i had to pee...and because all of the fingers on my right hand were completely numb.  apparently, failing to adjust the pressure in the air mattress was a mistake - one that i remained too tired to correct.  i woke up again at 10, 11, and finally noon - when i decided that i probably wasn't going to get anymore decent sleep.  plus, i had to pee AGAIN.  and i asked myself as i stumbled into the bathroom again, "self, how can any one person have so much PEE?"  myself did not deign to answer.  she's like that.

we didn't really get up.  we lounged around (in my case feeling greasy and unwashed and rather funkalicious) eating cereal and playing Gauntlet.  it was the most recent version of Gauntlet - which still lets you kill EVERYTHING, so i appreciated it.  unfortunately, we didn't find anything out of the ordinary to unlock, and the ending just...ended.  there were no exciting congratulations or anything.  it seemed really...abrupt.  anyone else played it and know what the ending's supposed to be like?  i played a warrior named Eunice.  s/he had an enormous flaming axe which s/he wielded to the detriment of the enemy.  um, so we started playing around 12:30 and did not STOP playing until 6 tonight.  i have only spent similar amounts of time on super mario brothers.  ok, and *would* have spent similar amounts of time on Kingdom of Loathing - had it been the sort of game to encourage that.  i know *exactly* where the day went, but simultaneously i feel confused about the passage of time.

when i stepped outside a little after 6 to make my way home the light was all weird.  it's misty out and reminding me of Virginia - specifically, Shenandoah.  it's also nice and cool.   i made a bee-line (a long and rather twisty one) to Portillo's to get a cheeseburger and some fries.  the fries were good.  the cheeseburger was ok.  the people in front of me at the drive-thru were stupid.  and because i'm tired i'm categorizing people into only two groups today - "stupid" and "not attention-worthy." 

i'm still not finished with Lilith's Brood.  i'm pretty sure that i won't finish it tonight, either.  what *will* happen is this: i will (in the next 5 minutes or so) make my way to my bedroom, where i will lay across the bed and read several pages of Lilith's Brood.  THEN, i will close my eyes.  it will take several minutes for me to realize that my eyes are closed and that no actual reading is taking place, whereupon i will open my eyes and read a sentence before they close again.  this time i will fall asleep and either end up falling into the book (if i'm laying on my stomach), or being brained by the book (if i'm laying on my back).  i will immediately wake up and curse my own stupidity.  then i will set the book aside, turn off the light, take off my glasses and fall into sleep. 

sounds good.  i'm going to get started.

posted by: juuitsu at June 24, 2007 02:30 | link | comments (7) |

he came over to our table with his tray, inordinately proud of himself, and announced that he was eschewing any sort of traditional breakfast.  we looked at his plate where he'd carefully arranged a semi-circle of barbecue flavored pringles around several dollops of plain yogurt.  anger burned softly inside of me, starting somewhere around my bellybutton, as i imagined the wonderful gustatory things that could have been done with yogurt and pringles SEPARATELY.  my own - normal - breakfast stuck to my tongue like tissue.  i spat it out and pushed my plate back, glaring at mr. pringles and yogurt.  he failed to notice. 

posted by: juuitsu at June 20, 2007 13:35 | link | comments (2) |

i'm looking at the screens and noticing how they go much farther up beyond the window bits that i can reach.  is this going to make it difficult to mount an air conditioner?  i think so.  i have given the matter some thought since it's been pretty ick in here all weekend.  i spent a lot of time in the ick - being mostly still and watching asian cinema - except for random bits of fighting and walks (neither of which did anything to relieve the extreme hotness).  there is also the question of *where* the air conditioner should go.  with the rabbits?  in my bedroom?  in the front room?  i don't think one will be able to cool my entire apartment...which is too bad.  climate control is something this place really lacks.

i have house envy at the moment.  i've just received address updates from 4 people - all saying they've purchased houses.  it's not that i'm eager to be paying a mortgage...but it might be better than paying rent.  le sigh.  i'm really torn about this.  i'd look for something more permanent if i felt like i was going to be a more permanent fixture.  although, buying a house doesn't mean you have to have the house forever, either.  it's just kind of a hassle to dispose of it after.  but, i could *do* things to it.  things that i can't do here.  and!  i wouldn't be disturbing the guy downstairs when i belt out patty griffin.  garden.  bunny run.  central air?  *swoon*  but where?  where should i look for this house?  mmph.

***

oberon and i watched the Vengeance trilogy this weekend (the vision of director, Park Chan-wook)...which was less of a trilogy than it was a motion picture triptych.  [and man, here goes my dsl AGAIN.  this is ANNOYING.  just WORK.]  we watched them in order thus: Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, Old Boy, and Lady Vengeance. 

i saw Old Boy a few weeks ago and found it quite disturbing...but in the same way that Clockwork Orange, and The Magus disturb me.  it was violent and awful in some parts, but with odd humorous moments, and then this huge psychological whiplashing at the end.  yeah.  it was horrifyingly brilliant the first time around.  it did lose some of it's punch when i watched it this time...o. figured out the ending almost from the beginning, so it was only a matter of getting there for him, and he had little patience for old boy's mental collapse at the end.  i thought that cutting out his own tongue so that he could never *speak* of the events that had taken place (or as atonement for words he had carelessly spoken in the past) was overkill.  how anyone could do such a thing to himself...*shudder*

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance was bizarre.  consider the following elements: organ donations, organ thieves [yes!  the urban legend lives!], a main character who is deaf and dumb, kidnapping, secret anarchist societies (consisting of one), accidental drownings, a random physically disabled individual who steals a necklace off a dead little girl...mix well.  bake 129 minutes.  voila!  we spent a lot of time figuring out what was going on.  and then reassessing.  and then deciding we didn't know what the hell was going on.  here's the take home message: don't fuck with secret anarchist societies (of one) because even though you think the one is lying, she has buddies who will END you.  and also?  don't form attachments.  without attachments there's no way that people can interfere with your plans for vengeance.  granted, if you hadn't had attachments to begin with, you probably wouldn't have any call for vengeance.  this was a common thread through all of these movies...the vengeance seekers were all motivated/trapped by someone close to them.

i really liked Lady Vengeance.  cinematically, it was beautiful.  even the opening sequence was artistic and cleverly designed.  lovely music - very complimentary to the visual aspects.  Lee Geum-ja was hardcore.  she had to take the fall for a murderer and while she was in prison, she spent every moment planning her revenge.  you couldn't keep her down - even though the bad guys tried.  she was unstoppable.  my sense of justice twanged happily.  it was just smart, cold, and calculated.  so this one was my favorite of the three.

***

k.  really tired now.  bed.

posted by: juuitsu at June 18, 2007 03:31 | link | comments (2) |

this is going to be one of *those* posts.  where i'm just going to have to type everything i want to say six times because it's all coming out badly.  you probably won't notice.  in fact, you'll just think, "this sucks.  why does she bother?"  </preamble>

so i got home today and meant to make *serious* use of my downtime.  work has been hellish the last few...uh, months, really.  this week i've made a conscious effort to stop caring so much and stop letting it get to me.  plus, i also got a chance to talk with several someones and they were very supportive/commiserative.  it helps because i got to vent, and they confirmed that my view of things is not unique.  basically, i'm not crazy or imagining all of this.  everyone feels the suck.  k.  so.  i picked up this book that oberon lent me and it's fascinating.  this is all well and good.  i decide the couch might be a better place to read.  the couch promptly eats me.  mmm.  tasty.  the book hits me in the head as i fall asleep.  i put it down.  i fall asleep.  i wake up.  i fall asleep.  i wake up.  it's waaaaay too hot. 

i finally pulled myself out of the couch an hour or so later and went for a walk.  lots of bugs.  a moth flew in my face and bounced off my nose.  pleasant.  mothy.   i was just nearing the square when i overheard some guy behind me talking on his phone about this woman in front of him who "had her headphones on and was swinging her arms purposefully..." and i knew he was talking about me.  so i turned around and accosted him, "i sure am!"  he was really embarrassed.  he'd been following me for the last mile or so and thought i was someone else.  i don't know if he tried to talk to me while we were walking that last mile...  anyway.  we parted amicably after talking for a little while.  i don't think he'll follow any more strange women home...even if they seem familiar. 

i bet it's really hot to have fuzzy bunny toes - even if they are really cute.  i brought the fan out just for the rabbits.  they're stretched out in little two foot rabbit puddles on the floor in here.  i bet *they* wouldn't object to an air conditioning unit.  yeah, yeah.  that, or we could recline on ice packs.  hm.  i'll rig something up.

posted by: juuitsu at June 16, 2007 04:07 | link | comments (4) |

man, i'm so happy right now i can't even tell you.  i just walked into the bathroom with a huge grin on my face and looked in the mirror.  i'm covered with clay.  dried clay.  i love pottery and throwing stuff on the wheel.  i even love hand-building and sculpture.  i'm so glad i'm doing this.  i'm not even tired anymore, which is good, because i'm filthy and i need to take a bath before i go to bed.  gooddaygooddaygoodday!

posted by: juuitsu at June 15, 2007 04:21 | link | comments (1) |

i did eventually get out of the house - Diana's comment was the ultimate boost (thanks, Diana!).  i biked part of the Great Western Trail, which is about 40 minutes south.  on the way down i saw a sign that said:

LOST!
TORTOISE!
[picture of the tortoise]

this cracked me up.  i'm sure that if you keep a lot of tortoises (of the same species) you learn to distinguish them from one another...but, from the car - zipping by - it looked just like the tortoise i saw while i was biking a week or so ago, but probably a good 30 miles away.  i'm thinking it's unlikely that it's the same tortoise (unless it was really determined and has been walking/plodding - as turtles do - for a really long time).  i've never seen so many turtles in the wild before.  i keep encountering them when i'm out, and it's bizarre.  either there are far more wild turtles/tortoises in this area than i'd ever thought, or people get them as pets and then release them or allow them to ESCAPE.  [insert suspenseful music] 

oh, but the best thing that happened by FAR...

i was riding down the trail and i saw a paper sign nailed to a tree.  tried to read it as i went by, but only caught the first part of it, which said:

WARNING!
Red-winged Blackbirds...

huh.  red-winged blackbirds will poop on your head?  red-winged blackbirds are prevalent (for they were)?  what about the red-winged blackbirds?  i shrugged and kept on biking, figuring i'd read it on the way back.  so.  the way back.  i stopped and read the sign, which continued:

...
are EXTREMELY AGGRESSIVE!
they will ATTACK you
during nesting season!

oh.  ok.  whatever.  i've been *mobbed* by red-winged blackbirds before.  they just sort of flutter overhead and try to intimidate you.  it's not so bad.  you keep on walking and eventually you're out of their territory and everything is fine.  yeah.  not 5 minutes later a red-winged blackbird came shooting out of a bush and landed on my head, got it's toes in my hair and then took off again - carrying some of said hair with it.  my response: HOLY CRAP!  I'VE JUST BEEN ATTACKED BY A RED-WINGED BLACKBIRD DEFENDING ITS NEST!  THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!  i'm not sure if this is a *normal* response, but i am so psyched!

anyway.  so glad i went out. :)

posted by: juuitsu at June 11, 2007 13:34 | link | comments (5) |

how many barrettes *does* it take to control the wispies?  3, so far.

posted by: juuitsu at June 10, 2007 22:30 | link | comments |

i saw this woman in traffic last night as i was heading home - she was carrying a cardboard sign and her face was kinda dirty... it said, "homeless mother...please help."  and i caught her eye, and we exchanged a sort of sad look.  and she gathered herself and moved on.  a moment more and i'd have given her something.  i don't know what i had with me that she'd have wanted...but something.

when i was in kenya, we were told that there would be a lot of street children trying to get handouts...but that we shouldn't give them money.  and if we were tempted to give them anything, we should give them food.  they would just use money for drugs.  i'm not sure how true that is.  but there were all sorts of people who would take advantage of you if you gave them the opportunity.  isn't that always the case?  inclined to Be Of Some Service to Someone, but Wary.

posted by: juuitsu at June 10, 2007 22:27 | link | comments (2) |

ok.  i was going to go for a bike ride, but suddenly my will to live has been sucked right out of me.  er.  i mean my will to move.  so maybe i'll get one in this evening.  tho, i don't know where i can get to quickly from here.  and biking around here sucks.  too dangerous with all of the whizzing traffic and people on cell phones.  i'd just be flattened mercilessly.  bastards.  someone told me to borrow the tomorrow people.  i no longer know who.  so i think i'll watch some of that.  shh.  i'm being *really* active.  i swear.

posted by: juuitsu at June 10, 2007 19:20 | link | comments (1) |

found: someone's vocabulary words.  on index cards.  i shall use them all in sentences, because it has long been one of my whims (not yet acted upon) to encounter found words and somehow make use of them here. 
in the order i found them:

1.) relentless: unyielding, harsh, without pity

last night i made my way to the bookstore through relentless traffic.  it took me approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes to get there.  i had to pee almost as soon as i started driving, so i made a pit stop once i got to DP.  half an hour later i was cursing my empty nalgene bottle. why?  WHY did i drink you?  fortunately, Kate's has a restroom.  i rested.

2.) squander: to spend foolishly, waste

sometimes i feel like it's not so much *me* that's squandering my time as it is other people and other things. which is not to say that i don't make a choice about how the time is to be spent.  i'm just not always choosing wisely.  i was saying to JM that i wish i knew more people who knew how to just be with, without having to fill up the space with certain kinds of activities (except that i'm totally one of those people much of the time - can't sit still MUST do something).  but i think, upon reflection, that it's more that i'd like to do my own thing *with* as opposed to finding things to do that involve doing the same thing together.  or...at least have it not be a problem that i'm doing my own thing.  and i realized last night that i was waiting for the evening to end.  really.  there i was smack dab in the middle of it and thinking, ok, i'm done.  and as soon as everyone was ready to move on to a new venue, i said goodbye and took off.  it happens.  i could have stood one or two other people around while i did something else, but i was done with the hanging out bit.

3.) staccato - detached or disconnected in sound or style

hm.  this one's a challenge...i think because it does not mean what this person thinks it means...except apparently it does mean that, but i'm more used to thinking of this definition: made up of rapid, short, sharp sounds.  anyway!  one of the readers last night performed a rap, distinctive in its staccato beat.  everyone had a unique voice...  one of the things i loved about drawing/painting class was walking around the room when we did still lives and looking at how each one of us had rendered the same scene.  we had, possibly, slightly different views, but the translation between what we saw and what we made was individual.

4.) rivulet - a small stream

one of the featured authors, whose husband - once in the publishing business, now retired - has helped her to self-publish a collection of short stories and poems, told us a story about an orange seller who had a disturbing relationship with his irish wolfhound (they had been misunderstood or neglected by their mothers).  it tripped off her tongue, words a rivulet of happy, carefree sound, even when the subject matter was mildly disturbing and decidedly odd.  quirky's the word that should really be headlining this bit.  :)

5.) reek - an unpleasant smell

around 11:30 last night, just as i was nearing home, i entered a cloud of stench.  it positively reeked of skunk.  i used to be immune to skunk...like, it didn't bother me that much - it was just clearly identifiable as 'ew, skunk.'  then, sometime last year, minnow got sprayed by a skunk in the backyard.  up close and personal.  and the initial reek was...more subtle than you'd have thought.  but it built, and built, and built.  i can see why you'd want to just lay down and die after that.  the skunk wins.  just make the terrible smell go away.  naturally, everything smelled like skunk for weeks afterward.  we bathed the dog - not the tomato juice thing, which doesn't really make the smell go away - but some kind of hydrogen peroxide baking soda combo recommended by the vet.  ugh.  she was miserable.  can't blame her.  dog noses are so much more sensitive than people noses...and i was in hell.

6.) recoup - to make up for, regain

for those of us who aren't always natural extroverts, sometimes, after spending a long day being *on* for everyone else, we need a bit of time to recoup our psychic energy.  some people get their energy from being around others, some of us generate it ourselves in a quiet sparkly well.  *slap* get away from my well!  8 hours of reference desk duty in one shift is bad.  it always wears me out completely. 

7.) statute - law

i was driving home the other day - along the back roads since traffic was totally fubar - and i stopped at a light at this intersection and this cop made a left turn from the cross street and turned INTO our left turn lane - crossing, NAY, VIOLATING the median (which i can assure you is a violation of some statute, since i got pulled over for doing it).  this guy wasn't chasing anyone, wasn't on his way to some emergency (or even for some NONemergency), he just didn't drive carefully.  but since he's a cop, no one pulled *him* over and made him come down to the station to get his driver's license back.  no one made *him* pay $75 for the privilege.  no one, i bet, even commented on it.  and.that.makes.me.mad.

only 7 vocabulary words?  i suppose that they didn't lose them all, which is good. 

posted by: juuitsu at June 10, 2007 19:09 | link | comments (3) |

so the past couple of days i have been Getting Things Done, which left me with this marvelous feeling of accomplishment.  and then as i was leaning over to get something out of the bathtub, i smacked my forehead into this towel holder thingamabob that's mounted on the wall.  it's a three-pronged metal thingie and i gouged my head on one of the armlets.  i cursed.  a lot.  initially, i thought i'd just banged it really hard, but then i was palpitating the area (am i going to live?  damn, that hurts!), my hand came away with blood on it.  great.  so i've got about an inch long gash at my right temple that looks very rakish, indeed.  except that i acquired it through stupid clumsiness.  it is less throb-by this morning.  i slept with an icepack tied to my head to help with the swelling.  i don't recommend this injury.  i think instead of telling people that "i whacked my head in the bathtub" i will say i was in a duel.  and i won...by a narrow margin.  after all the ninja stories, i'm sure everyone thinks i live in a really dangerous place.

posted by: juuitsu at June 07, 2007 13:40 | link | comments |

i think every beep beep backer-upper truck drove (and backed up) past my building this morning.  my alarm joined in the chorus as i moaned, "WHY the hell are all of you people so damn BUSY outside at 7 in the morning?"  i didn't sleep well.  there was a lot of rain and i was listening to it. 

i tried to get ahold of lars last night - just before i went to bed - and she wasn't around, but i did run into her in my dreams.  she was trying to buy a new volkswagon, but worried that she didn't have the money because of student loans.  and then she said her husband needed it (because they only had one car between them and she has a hell of a commute every day) and that they were forcing him to move into the vicarage (which they probably don't call it in whatever faith he's a minister).  i was confused by her explanation.  and then she disappeared and things got decidedly weird.  but i don't remember any more than that.  lucky you. :)

posted by: juuitsu at June 05, 2007 14:05 | link | comments (5) |

"He looked startled.  'One does not wear mourning for a servant.'

"'You still don't understand, do you?  He was not my servant.'

"He regarded her anger, aghast.  'What then?  What else could he be?'

"Her empty hands shook as she held them out to him.  Her voice shook as she replied.  'Glove to my hand.'  Slowly she closed her fists.  'Everything.'

"Rage choked her.  She left him there, staring numbly out at nothing.  Grief and anger drove her through the palace, from the presence chamber to the lion-guarded heights.'"

~from "A College of Magics," by Caroline Stevermer, p. 372

posted by: juuitsu at June 04, 2007 01:09 | link | comments (6) |

i drove out toward elgin to do some biking before meeting oberon.  the trail runs right along rte. 31 (actually between 31 and 25 along the fox river), and i wasn't sure exactly where there'd be a place to park.  there was a semi tailgating me for several miles while i was looking and it got a bit obnoxious.  i finally spotted a place, but, you know, was driving too fast to stop (and the semi would have creamed me).  ended up doubling back and re-finding it.  the trail there started out with a huge incline - for which my legs were not prepared - and descended into a sandy, pebbly, muddy bit complete with man, his two-year-old, and his pet boxer.  i hoped for the best as i sped toward them, braking when i got near the dog (he was unleashed and you never know how someone's dog will react to a speeding bike).  the man assured me that his dog "didn't bite."  yeah, i was just worried about hitting him - biting is secondary.  more hills.  AND a spot with a STAIRCASE and a stretch of sand (a bit like a long jump pit) just before the stairs with caution signs.  i guess that's for if you crash.  or something.  the trail crossed a really busy road and i couldn't figure out which direction it went, as there appeared to be 3 possibilities. i chose the easiest (wrong) and ended up in a wetlands preserve sandwiched between several subdivisions (with the kinds of houses that almost *require* vassals to maintain - estates, you know).  the clouds were amazing - huge formations - the kind that you can watch for hours as they move across the sky.  the trail looped back to where i'd started with no further trail bits, so i backtracked to the road where i'd lost it and discovered the *real* thing.  yay.  i was supposed to be heading back, but i wanted to see if there was anything interesting up ahead, so i continued on for a bit longer.  there was nothing in particular except another big hill, which i decided was my turnaround point (i didn't want to have to climb back up).

when i got back to the car i checked my messages and o. had called a bunch of times to see where i was.  apparently the people we were meeting had decided not to show up, and he wasn't going to hang around.  that was fine - i was still at least 20 minutes away.  we arranged to meet up later on and i drove over to my folks' house for a shower and a quick chat.  only minnow was home when i got there.  she was happy to keep me company, though.  everyone else arrived just as i was about to head out for some lunch.  blah blah blah and some time later i left.  couldn't think of where there was a jimmy john's around, so i ended up at the corner bakery and got their trio salad thingie - you can pick three different salads (i got chicken, pasta, and mixed berries) along with some mixed greens.  my tummy smiled.  really.  after a lot of disappointing food experiences this week, this was really good. 

it was getting on in the afternoon by then, and i thought o. might be getting antsy.  but no.  he didn't seem particularly motivated to be doing stuff, so i sat for awhile longer reading - until he said he was ready.  i'm reading "A College of Magics" by Caroline Stevermer, and it's got a tall, awkward, spunky, female protagonist - basically *me*, so i relate really well.  except for the magic part.  i've no skill that i know of.  i'm enjoying it a lot.  and, so, i was very happy to just keep reading it, enjoying the sun, the atmosphere, the...spot. 

posted by: juuitsu at June 03, 2007 19:16 | link | comments |

it *looks* like it might be safe to go out.  but then there's the storm noises again...  ooh, and the freaky girl with the really bad highlights.  i'd better stick around until she leaves.  ;) 

there's been a dearth of chatter this week.  oberon seems to be taking his sleep more seriously, i'm spending more time with books and art, mr. wang is currently dating 5 women (not including his wife), and, yeah, it just feels really quiet in my head.  which isn't necessarily good or bad.  it just is.  i've ignored all of my AIM and MSN contacts so long (months, now, really) that there's NO one to talk to there at all anymore.  or it's just a quiet night, which is possible. 

i struck up a brief correspondence with someone new recently, but it's unsatisfying.  i think the kiss of death was when he asked me to tell him something about myself that a stranger should know.  i've probably said this before (but i'll say it again anyway), i hate questions like that.  i realize they're probably asked in innocence/ignorance, but still.  i enjoy getting to know people like i breathe - as if i've been doing it very naturally for my whole life.  the question - tell me about yourself - sounds like i'm walking into an interview (maybe this is where it all rings false...interviews are so rarely places where people *really* want to know anything about you that's real).  it's great to provoke people into giving you something to talk/think about, but it sucks being on the other side of that.  and it feels hugely fake and uncomfortable to me.  i'm not sure why (ok, i had a thought -see above parentheses).  i so very much prefer it when people just talk to me as if we've already been talking for ages and we already know one another.  maybe it's the whole showing as opposed to telling that bothers me.  and i say stupid things when i don't know what to say. =/  (and at least if we're pretending that we already know one another, we already know that i say stupid things.)  eh.  so, i didn't manage, with my witty repartee, to engage anyone else for a chat.  which is good.  because i'm in the middle of reading 4 books, i need some groceries, i should plan a bike ride for tomorrow morning and...

yeah, does it ever feel like your schedule is getting the best of you?  like there are so many things that you *could* do (and some of them, even, that you *should* do) that you waste all of your time just cycling through them in your head?  it's not been *that* bad recently.  i'm doing a lot of those things...it's just that every day is full of ought and even the fun stuff is sometimes fraught with ought.  is doing nothing THE cardinal sin?  i don't want to do nothing either.  but something, something.

all week i've been craving some kind of flavor that i can't identify or satisfy and it's lingering there in the back of my throat, at the base of my skull (places where i have no taste buds) and bugging me.  so i graze little bits of this and that and think, "no, not that," then move onto something else.  it's strange more than it is frustrating.  it's Unsatisfaction, rather than DISsatisfaction. 

so i wonder occasionally if knowing what you want makes it any easier.  maybe if you know you can go after things more purposefully (and yet, you might never attain them - so then your frustration will stem from being thwarted in your single-minded pursuit of the things you cannot have)...whereas, if you don't figure out what you want, you just wander around being frustrated because you can't make up your mind.  hm.  which is worse?  ;)

notice how i'm having this conversation with myself because i'm not finding anyone to have this conversation with.  actually, i probably wouldn't have this particular conversation with someone else.  i'd most likely have some other completely different conversation.  nevertheless, a conversation it would be.  *snort*

and with that silliness out of my system, and the highlighted woman on her way, and the sky turning pink as WELL as green....i think i shall go.

posted by: juuitsu at June 02, 2007 02:23 | link | comments (4) |

the sky's green and it's thundering ominously.  the rain has already fallen in great quantities, and the remains of it are splattering down the sides of my building and into the alley below.  there are no more blue bunnies on buildings, and no more hearts on the stairs.

we fought over the color printer today.  certain people decided that it would be cheaper to just run off their signs on our in-house printer rather than send them out to be printed by the professionals.  i waited several hours to print off my thank-you note to the karate people.  i made my move in a brief printing lull, and sent a number of jobs i'd been queuing (in my head, and not in the actual printer queue).  we kept this up all afternoon - our war.  i realized around 3:00 that i was monopolizing the printer in exactly the same way certain people had before me - and how very loathsome that quality can be in certain people.  so i relented when those people came to me and asked me to share.  at 4:00 i was informed that the color printer was out of toner.  i mustered, "well, DUH." 

posted by: juuitsu at June 02, 2007 01:35 | link | comments (1) |

and i said to myself, 'self, we should be friends because i can see us going a long way together.'

posted by: juuitsu at June 01, 2007 02:06 | link | comments (1) |

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