veiled exuberance

none shall pass.

i still have more adventures to relate.  i'm still not getting to them.  :)  soon. 

i keep having dreams though, that end up taking precedence (they're more ephemeral).  last night, i had another one of those peeful-inspired ones.  i had to go, but there was no time, and people kept interrupting me in my mission to find a toilet.  i got so frustrated and angry i started screaming at people and crying and generally carrying on like a complete ninny.  it was not a proud moment.  i remember stepping back briefly and thinking, "yeah, you've definitely milked this 2-year old thing about as far as it can go.  stop it, already.  this is embarrassing."  but i didn't stop.  i threw a tantrum.  i don't even remember if i've ever actually thrown a tantrum.  i'm usually really really really controlled.  not sure that that's good either, but that's how it is.  i kept thinking as i tantrumed what a bad, bad person i was, and how my behavior was totally unwarranted and unnecessary and unattractive.  and i *still* kept doing it.  when i woke up i was so relieved that none of it had been real.  thank goodness i hadn't been a complete twat.

but maybe?  maybe dreams are just lives that we live in some other place.  and all of it's real...just not here.  so i'm potentially leaving all sorts of emotional baggage in another world for someone else to deal with/clean up.  that's kind of creepy, actually.  story idea?

posted by: juuitsu at April 26, 2007 04:05 | link | comments (2) |

nightmares.

i get to work and walk into my office only to see my boss shaking hands with our newest employee.  no.  it can't be.  but it is.  it's mf.  he's wearing (also a shock) a suit - neatly pressed, black - and a blue tie that matches his eyes.  his hair is altogether different from the last time i saw him - rich brown, no longer red - and he's looking at me with an expression that i can't fathom.  i manage not to gape at him.  my boss makes some brief introductions and then gives us instructions to introduce ourselves; i'm also to show mf around.  i say...surprisingly normal things.  neither one of us bothers to introduce ourselves - we do nothing to indicate that we know one another and make no pretense of meeting for the first time.  we just...start working together.  i want to ask so many questions - primarily, "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" he seems neither surprised to see me nor expectant.  if he planned this scenario out in his head, it is not at all obvious.  once we're back in our office, we sit down across a desk from one another and i finally ask him why he's working here.  this isn't the sort of job he would take.  he's always cared more about money in his past positions, and he will not be making, here, anything resembling what he made out in CA.

i expect that whatever he will say will infuriate me.  he can't seem to help himself, usually.  but surprisingly, it does not.  he doesn't smirk or smile or look at all as if this moment has been premeditated.  i'm so shocked i don't even hear his words anymore.  i'm just watching his mouth move, his expression.  he seems genuine.  he seems real.  he seems...whole.  i never thought he would be whole again.  never.  i barely recognize the person sitting across from me.  i realize i'm holding my breath, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop, waiting for some of the craziness with which i *am* well-versed to seep into this conversation.  he's either being VERY careful, or it's gone and he's...what?  cured?  cured.  imagine that.  i'm terribly uncomfortable all of a sudden.  and i can't look at him anymore.  i can't be in the same room with him.  i just want to get out.  it doesn't matter.  doesn't matter if he's better.  doesn't matter if he's changed.  i was done.  done with all of this.  i can't do it again.  i won't.  something happened when i knew him.  something got killed.  i don't know exactly how or exactly when, but it became impossible to go back, impossible to redo, impossible to make things be any other way.  if we were looking at a map of possibilities, there would be a definite branching and the part where we met and knew one another would be completely separate with no return roads.  that's it.

i realize that i'm scared of what he'll say next.  that's why i have to get out of there.  he'll either prove something i suspect - eventually - or he won't (which won't matter, because i can't believe that anything about this encounter is accidental. he meant it).  and even if he never proves what i'm already convinced is true about him i will ALWAYS be waiting for it, waiting for the carefully constructed facade to slip.  i've been lied to enough.  one could grow fat on the lies people feed you.  and there's a hard truth to be learned - sometimes you can't go back.  there's nothing you can do to make something better except let it be.  let it go.  and let it lay.  even if it becomes a wall between you.  respect the wall.  respect the vines and the tendrils that grow up around it. 

posted by: juuitsu at April 24, 2007 06:19 | link | comments (3) |

mm.  i'm a very sleepy content right now.  wish my laundry was done so i could actually *go* to sleep.  i had a crazy active weekend.  decided that i should get out on my bike and start conditioning myself for the 20 mile nite ride that's taking place in indy at the end of June.  i went out on part of the prairie trail on saturday - along with everyone else - and got irritated by all of the busy intersection crossings you have to make once you hit carpentersville.  all of the stopping and starting is annoying - especially with clips.  the first time i rode a bike with clips i thought i was going to break a leg.  the bike was too big for me, and i'd forget to swing a foot free when i was stopping, so there'd be this terrible wobbly moment where i knew i would crash to the ground and pulverize my ankle bones...and then i'd quick release my foot and land. thuf.  on sunday i found a new trail that passes through Wasco, IL.  which is somewhere near St. Charles.  i forget what it's called.  i was sure i saw parking for the trail somewhere near this main intersection i was going to be passing through, but once i got there i could not find it.  so i drove down the road until i got to Wasco, and then - by chance - saw a trail sign, and pulled into a shopping center lot (where signs that i did not see until i returned 2.5 hours later informed me that i *could* be towed - thankfully, i wasn't).  from the actual trail it was easy to see where one could park. but it seems like you kinda have to know it's there already - because they aren't good about signing directions TO the parking.  didn't care anymore once i was on the trail.  it's another rails to trails project - most of it above road level on a bed of limestone - nicely kept, hard-packed, good satisfying surface for a mt. bike (which is what i have).  the wind was behind me all the way out, and i shot forward like a racehorse.  it was SO gusty, i thought the bike was going to go over - and it would have if i'd had those closed-spoked wheels.  amazing winds.  my hair was a wreck immediately.  i'd brought lots of barrettes, though, so i just pinned and tied it all up and kept going.  made the mistake of going out REALLY far.  as soon as i got on the bike, it became apparent that there were aftereffects from the previous day's ride - my sitbones felt BRUISED.  i kept my seat with a grimace.  then, once i'd gone out about an hour, i turned around to come back and remembered, oh, OH...the wind.  now it's all in my face.  and pushing me backwards.  it took almost twice as long to go back.  exhausting.  but it was gorgeous out and the insane wind kept most of the sane cyclists off the trail, so i had it mostly to myself.  plus, i went out late, so the sun was setting as i coasted back into the parking lot.  perfect day.

posted by: juuitsu at April 24, 2007 05:53 | link | comments |

i'm an art student.  i'm also a lot of other things, but the complexity of all of that is too much to unscramble.  i've got this project i'm working on.  i have gone all the way into the mountains traveling to search for the perfect color.  not perfect as in the color to end all colors, but the one that fits what i'm painting.

it's words formed by animal shapes.  i've looked at them so long i don't remember what they say, i just see the animals.  how the dolphin makesthe perfect C as it twists and undulates.  this project started out as an exercise.  someone i was working with mentioned something casually, i sketched it, suddenly it was a lot better and more exciting than either of us expected and i was working on it SERIOUS.

the mountains are beautiful, but frightening.  they jut out of the earth, their jagged peaks are only slightly softened by the snow that blankets them.  the roads are scarier.  i wonder to myself but do not ask aloud if they ever plow them.  because that would help with things like, oh, say TRACTION.  which is something we're sorely lacking.  my friend is driving.  i know her, but i don't know her name.  the top, as we pass it, is marvelously snow-free.  like, the snow storms only make it to the range, but once they hit there, they can't pass.  it's still cold, though.  the place is not welcoming.  it's cut into the mountain, so there are protecting rock walls all around us.  a few other cars, parked carefully, and ramshackle living quarters - not intended to be permanent.  i don't even know if we're allowed to be here.

cut away.

i'm watching the birds.  there are two male cardinals, bright like arterial blood, trying to catch something.  one of them dives into a small cardinal-sized hole and the other pecks furiously at the space he has disappeared into.  they keep up a frenzied chipping and my eye falls on another bird.  deep olive green with a calm dark eye.  it sits quietly in a tree.  i have never seen its like before.  i'm not sure what it is and i'm desperate to get my hands on a bird identification guide.  but i have nothing.  the green bird haunts me wherever i go and whatever i do.  i'm trying to be patient, to wait until i have access to something that will help me figure out what to call it, but it's hard.  i can barely concentrate on anything else.

still finishing my project.  i show it to my dad.  i'm also working on something else...it's a woman with long chestnut hair caught up in a mulberry colored silk scarf.  she looks vaguely greek.  i drew her on a whim, too, and she's also turning out better than expected.  dad shakes his head and says that he could never do this thing that i do.  here's my art bringing things to life, creating people and animals and images that have never existed before.  he says, "i would never have known what that woman looked like."  and i feel like a sham when he says this, "dad," i say, "i didn't know what she looked like either.  this is just what came out when i drew her."  he looks at me sternly and says, "that's exactly my point." 

we talk about upcoming exams, what they're like as an art student.  sometimes, they have us demonstrate techniques.  we'll be in class for our final and the teacher will say, paint me/draw me an example of "X."  and we will do that.  or we'll have final projects that we'll have to present to the class at our last meeting and everyone will critique.  it's not as scary or as intimidating as it sounds.  we're not the kinds of people who look to hurt one another - we're a community and we intend to share our experience, feelings in a constructive way.  it's not a competition.  so our critiques emphasize something positive, something we think needs improvement and whatever else we should find to say about a piece.  i'm always amazed by how different our styles are.  how do people develop such unique ways of seeing and describing what they see?  we could all be given a still life to paint and each of us would do it differently.  and this is good. 

posted by: juuitsu at April 22, 2007 13:46 | link | comments (4) |

every once in awhile i get the urge to *build* another computer.  thus far (over the past year) i have resisted.  but i keep getting emails and product updates and things of that nature from computer-y places.  and today i saw THIS:

and, oh man.  i could put things inside of it, and it would be pretty and blue-ish, and FAST, and could run things.  yes.  *slaps the hand with the credit card*  NO. 

posted by: juuitsu at April 22, 2007 00:53 | link | comments |

i keep not going to bed.  i decided to look at etsy when i got home and see what neat-o t-shirt designs people had there.  oh man.  bad idea.  did you know squids and octopi and jellyfish are popular design motifs?  that makes me happy...but i didn't see any that i really liked.  so i concluded that i need to make my own.  and that led me to research the silk screening process for a good 20 minutes (not long enough to learn much of anything...except that it's more complicated than i'd thought).  and then i found this necklace i liked...and it was described as a "caged fried marble."  what the heck is a fried marble?  more research.  (in case you were wondering, you can fry marbles for about 20 minutes and then toss them into ice water to achieve a cool effect - the insides of the marbles go all cracked and crunchy and it looks funky.)  then i tore myself away. 

it's now later than i wanted it to be.  (also went for a walk in between etsy sessions.)

powder bunny has itchy ears.  i will scratch them.  and then i will go to bed.

posted by: juuitsu at April 20, 2007 04:25 | link | comments (5) |

so the good thing about visiting NZ in the autumn and booking a kayaking trip is that your guides have got their shit together.  it's a little chilly to go swimming (i managed to fall off my kayak while getting in, so i can tell you that from personal experience), but the guides are really experienced and take really good care of you.  we did our trip with "the sea kayak company" - descriptive, eh?  :) - in Abel Tasman park (in the Tasman Sea).  we had 5 people in our group, plus Kyle, our guide.  there were E. & C. & i, and Ollie from Great Britain, Eva from Spain, and Rick & Rita from Wisconsin.  i love telling people that - here are all of these foreign travelers we met up with, and then...those that hail from exotic Wisconsin.  i love Wisconsin, it's just that you don't expect to run into anyone local, really, when you're 6000 miles away from home.  :)

we were pretty much Kyle's bitches.  he'd tell us to do ridiculous stuff and we just did it.  without question.  we were shouting stuff at other kayakers like, "Yee-HA, Grandma" and spinning our paddles around our heads.  we also spent about 20 minutes on the beach one morning perfecting a smooth toss of paddle from foot to hand. 

my last sea kayaking experience was in kenya - and we were only out for about an hour.  this was a two-day trip - paddle as far as the group could manage/wanted to go, camp overnight, paddle some more, and then get a ride back to our starting point on the water taxi.  we carried all of our gear in our boats in foldy bags that kept out the wet that got stuffed into one of three compartments on the boats.  each kayak seated two.  and, AND we got to wear the kayaking skirts.  very sexy (in addition to being a fashion statement, the skirts kept out a lot of the water, and kept the wind off of us, so we were pretty warm and comfortable in them).  initially we were paired off like so: E. & C. in one boat, me and Ollie in another, Kyle and Eva in another, and Rick and Rita in the last.  i say "initially" because within minutes it became obvious that E. & C. were a bad combination - they lagged waaaaay behind everyone else.  Kyle eventually put them on a tether and when we stopped for morning tea, he had us switch.  so then E. was with me and C. was with Ollie.  slightly better, but E. was still hard-pressed to keep up. 

Kyle liked to tell stories, so he'd have us "raft up" - bring the kayaks in close together and hold onto one another's skirts.  then, he'd climb out of his seat and scramble up to the front so everyone could see him and he'd tell us some maori tale or another about rock formations or mountains, etc. 

he also liked pirate jokes...the punchlines all seemed to involve "Arrrrrrgh!" in one way or another.  i think the stories also gave *some* of us a chance to rest up before the next leg of the journey.

we found out that Ollie's a barrister in real life.  i'd never really thought about it before, but *being* a barrister means that you have to wear a wig - cuz they still do that over in ole GB.  Kyle zeroed in on that right away - "so, Ollie, about the wig..."  here's what you want to know when picking out your next barrister's wig - you don't want it looking brand-spankin' new.  people will think you have no experience if your wig looks too clean or new.  they want a barrister who's seen some action.  get an old wig.  get a yellowing wig.  get something enormously unattractive.  man, i'm dying to know if there are fashions in barrister wiggery - is long and curly in this season?  how many wigs should one have?  burning questions.

we camped at Anchorage Bay the first night.  had to carry the kayaks up to the campsite - they were still enormously heavy, even with all 6 of us hauling them.  set up our tents and left Kyle and Ollie chopping wood for the fire.  the rest of us went hiking, because, you know, we hadn't had enough physical activity for one day.  ;)  the woods were filled with lichen and ferns and birds (the bell bird, in particular, had a lovely ethereal song), and the beaches were pristine white sand with bright blue clear ocean waves lapping at our feet.  it was beautiful.  even more lovely was the night sky.  i haven't seen stars like that since...kenya.  you could see everything - even the swirly arms of the milky way.  we miss so much - those of us with all of the light pollution.  (R. & R. said that they can see the stars just like that in Wisc.)

sat around the fire for a few hours talking and alternately watching the flames and the stars.  some of the group went to check out the glow worm caves.  eva and i went to bed.  C., the only person with a flashlight on the cave excursion, managed also to be the only person who bashed her head into the sign outside the caves.  oh dear.  she's also tiny, so i'm not sure how she managed it when the taller people without lights...well, let's just leave it at that.  :)

the sea kayak company provided pretty much all of the gear we needed.  they had tents, sleeping bags, sleeping bag liners, thermarests, dishes, utensils, jackets, long underwear, and of course, the kayaks for us.  also, life jackets, kayaking skirts, a stove, food...  we were really well taken care of.  didn't sleep particularly well in the tent - i was a bit cold - but, i did better than E., who said she slept not at all (she was recovering from a sinus infection and forgot to bring her decongestant on the kayaking portion of our trip. 

we certainly did not lack for good food.  there was carrot cake with our morning tea, sandwiches and muffins for lunch, crackers and hummus and olives and grapes for an evening snack, spaghetti with meatballs for dinner (and pavlova with fruit and whipped cream for dessert), muesli and croissants and fruit for breakfast, sandwich fixin's for lunch (as well as leftovers from other meals)...that's a trip you could gain weight on. 

morning of day 2 we all got up at the crack of dawn (literally) and booked it to the beach to catch the sunrise.  it was spectacular.  didn't bring my camera to capture the moment, but it was like 2 sunrises by the time i got there.  the first was the actual sun rising above the water - the second was the reflection of it in the water.  it was really too bright to observe directly. 

after we broke camp, we headed off to see fur seals on one of the islands not far from shore.  these seals didn't bark...they made retching noises that had us giggling (as with the dolphins).  betcha didn't know that nature was quite so hysterical.  it is.  the fur seals habitat is "protected," and you're only allowed to go within a couple of kayak lengths of their island, so we sat out in the water and listened to them retch, and tried to get some photos...my developed pictures actually show them better than do their online counterparts. 


it's hard to tell what, if anything, all the brown lumps are.  the seals blend in well with their rocky environs.

Kyle led us into an estuary as the tide came in and we kayaked until we could go no further.  on our way back out to the open ocean, we tied up briefly below a swinging bridge suspended over the estuary.  K. had us all climb out of our kayaks into the freezing water (seriously, in the estuary - which must have been spring fed - the water was numbingly cold) and then scramble and climb up a muddy and rocky embankment to a trail that eventually led to the bridge.  we all thought he was kidding when he asked if we wanted to "go check out the bridge."  apparently not.  no one died. 

we "sailed" into one of the bays using a sail/tarp K. had brought along.  he tied two ends of it to the ends of the paddles on the outside kayaks - of our kayak raft - and then the people in front held the bottom of the sail down as the two outside people in the back held the paddles up.  the contraption caught the wind and took us most of the way into shore.  while we were eating lunch there on the shore, we watched some people kayaking around a cruising boat.  one of them was really bad at it - she actually crashed into a rock.  *grin*  but she was super friendly.  we shouted out a greeting and asked her where she was from and she shouted back, "Bulgaria!"  wow.  we told her she was doing *really* well.  and she kept paddling by us on the shore and shouting, "hi!"  then she disappeared down into the estuary for awhile.  the boat, in the meantime, raised anchor and moved out.  i think they were just getting into deeper water, but it certainly looked like the ship was leaving.  Bulgaria-girl reappeared as the boat was disappearing out of the bay and we shouted, "oh NO!  they're leaving you behind!"  she shouted back something like, "OH!" and hurried after them - leaving us rolling with laughter on the beach. 

later that afternoon, a water taxi picked up those of us who were returning from our 2-day trip, and Kyle and the 3-dayers stayed on.

posted by: juuitsu at April 19, 2007 07:21 | link | comments (1) |

after our whale-watching, we hurried off to Blenheim.  spent the night in a really lovely b&b (Green Gables).  our hostess recommended a restaurant called Whitehaven, which was very nice.  the food was fantastic.  the chefs were obviously skilled/schooled in the art of proper presentation.  everything was stacked and layered and artfully arranged.  i had smoked chicken with pesto and potatoes and pimento/peppers and something else that had the consistency of mashed potatoes (no idea what it was, but it was delicious).  dinner was so good i didn't even care about having missed lunch.

(that's our suite upstairs with the balcony.)

breakfast the following morning was pancakes, eggs, sausage, toast, muesli, fruit salad (with grape-sized kiwis), yogurt, tea, coffee, juice and waffles.  yeow.  and oof.  and no, we didn't eat all of that.  they had other guests at green gables, so we all sat down family style and had a good chat.  there were a couple of guys from britain traveling together, and a german couple, and us - who no one could properly identify (japanese?  thai?  uh...).

C. wanted to drive around a bit the next morning and check out the wineries in the area.  i have absolutely no interest in wine - tasting it, or going on tours of the wine-making facilities.  i've done my share of tours with my dad who *does* like that sort of thing.  but the area was really nice, and we only ended up spending a few minutes in actual wineries (many of them weren't open).  we stopped in Renwick at the local "information center."  it was possibly the oddest one we encountered.  the sign hung outside a small shop.  everyone who came in the door inevitably tripped over something on their way in and then looked around a bit wild-eyed at, well, all of the STUFF that was everywhere.  this shop had souvenirs, and information, and a lot of skeins of yarn.  it was run by an elderly woman who was quite skilled at navigating the precariously balanced piles.  E. found some yarn there spun from the wool of local alpacas, and when she expressed an interest in those alpacas, the shopkeeper offered to phone the farm and see if we could visit them.  we could.  and we did.  :)  the alpaca farm was also a b&b - one that i'd looked at in the area before booking us at Green Gables (they didn't have any vacancies at the alpaca farm for that night - alas!).  the alpacas themselves were pretty feisty.  we were feeding them and they were getting all cranky with each other and ready to spit - and you don't want to get in between two spitting alpacas.  their saliva isn't caustic or anything, but apparently it smells really bad.  we also learned that the first shearing of alpaca wool is the softest.  the woman who processes the wool brought out some bags of it so we could feel the difference.  it was very educational.  (i also think it's really cool that she was willing to show us around on the spur of the moment and didn't mind telling us all about the alpacas.  how many people you've never met would do something like that for you?)

the other pleasant surprise that came out of that adventure was finding the Makana chocolate factory that the shopkeeper recommended we visit.  they had free samples of this fruity brittle - very berry toffee crunch.  so.good.  we browsed the rest of their inventory while munching on this.  i bought some lemon truffles that i totally intended to share with people when i got home.  except that i decided to try them one night.  and then i tried some more another night?  and then i just ended up eating them all myself.  i suck.  yeah.  it's rather expensive to have anything shipped here...but if you ever want to be really nice to yourself, i highly recommend their stuff.  YUM.

we drove on to Motueka that afternoon, and settled ourselves into a cabin across from the ocean.  spent some time exploring a wide expanse of ocean floor, as the tide was out - WAY OUT.  E. and i found a lot of sand dollars - but not bleached white like the ones everyone brings back from vacations in florida.  these were dark gray and seemed like they might be alive.  they were half buried in the sand and all you could see was a gentle impression of the star.  both E. and i were curious about the sandy impressions, so we both dug one up.  i put mine back afterward - not sure if it was still alive or not. 

although we had brought cheese and crackers and apples and meant to have these for dinner, none of us really wanted that by the time "dinner" rolled around.  so we drove into town and found a good indian place and got take out.  we ended up having indian take out for dinner, breakfast, and then another meal after we got back from our kayaking trip. 

posted by: juuitsu at April 19, 2007 06:03 | link | comments |

getting out of Christchurch...

early in the morning on my fourth day in new zealand i left my hostel for the last time.  i checked out and sandy, the proprietress asked if i'd felt like a princess during my stay (my room was a single with a double bed and a fluffy pink velour comforter).  i said, 'yes, yes, i did.'  i felt slightly less princesslike on my way out, sandwiched between my two backpacks - worn fore and aft (i had a day pack and a larger backpacking pack).  it was farther to E. & C.'s bed and breakfast than i'd thought, so i probably trekked (they say 'tramped' in NZ) a couple of miles before 9 a.m.  while i was waiting for a light to change, a scruffy guy on a motorbike looked me up and down and then said, "Good on you, girlie!" and gave me a hearty thumbs up.  i'm assuming he was referring to my impressive carrying capacity - and the fact that i was walking and not taking a bus or a cab. 

shortly after i arrived at the b&b, our rental car agency sent over a shuttle to ferry us to the airport to pick up our car.  took us about an hour to get the rental agreement squared away.  the agent asked me if i was over 21 and directed his spiel on the dangers (and illegality) of off-roading at me (do i look like i engage in a lot of risky behavior?).  despite appearances to the contrary, i was worried about the whole driving on the opposite side of the road thing.  E. was even more nervous about it.  C. had done it before (though, not for long and not with any confidence), so we made her go first.  she had an affinity for the shoulder of the road, in that she spent a lot of time driving on it.  that was fine when there was plenty of shoulder.  it got really freakin' scary once we hit the mountains and all the hairpin turns.  i was riding shotgun and kept saying, "yeah, you could probably get a bit closer to the center of the road."  *suppress shriek*  i try not to make the driver nervous by being hysterical.  generally this works out pretty well.  there was the time peloquin and i were coming back from the city and he was racing along at a nice clip toward a parked car.  and i calmly said, "thatcarisparkedmaybeyoushouldmoveoverightnoworslowdown."  and he did, and we did, and managed not to die.

C. had enough of driving after a couple hours, so i took over.  surprise, surprise, it wasn't bad.  i had two other people in the car repeating what became our driving mantra: "Stay to the left!"  and my brain adapted pretty well to the novelty.  i didn't have as much difficulty staying centered in my lane (possibly because i took C.'s difficulty with it into account), and i very much liked being the one in charge of how fast we were going around those mountain roads.   i have a sneaking suspicion that our car was marked so that NZers could tell that we were [stupid] americans.  there was a big "AM" spelled out in stickers on the back window of our rental car.  it *could* mean something else, but i'm betting it was short for "americans."  i didn't notice this particular tag on any other cars, but i can't say that i was paying a lot of attention.

i got us safely to Kaikoura and we stopped in an info center and booked a whale watching excursion - leaving in 15 minutes.  ACK!  HURRY to the boat!  STAY ON THE LEFT!  [see my first NZ entry for a discussion on the plethora of information centers available to do your bidding.]  it actually left about half an hour after we arrived on site, so we didn't need to rush.  E. had to get some anti-nausea pills (they had ginger tablets - did you know ginger is supposed to soothe a rumbly tummy?) - she'd recently gotten really, really seasick on another boat trip (no problems this time).  she was more concerned about embarrassing herself, but if you weren't one who cared about such things, you could have vomitted with abandon into any number of sick bags - our seat pockets were packed to overflowing with them.

i'd never been on any kind of whale-watching expedition before, so i didn't really know what to expect.  here's how they did it - there was one person on the boat who was the designated whale spotter, and she spent the first part of the trip keeping an eye out for surfacing whales.  they initially lead you to believe that she's got some special whale affinity, but that's hardly true.  she just knew what to look for - and they have whale sonar detectors - so they can technically *hear* where a whale is under water (if it's *talking*).  ok, plus there are several other boats out there in the water waiting for the whale(s) to surface.  there was another excursion boat out on the water before us as well as a research vessel (think much, much smaller).  so we all hung out for a few minutes waiting for a sperm whale to come up to breathe. 

all of their resident whales are male sperm whales - they can identify individuals by their dorsal fins.  i could not.  it's pretty cold in the water there, our guide said, too cold for female sperm whales.  the whales spend about 20-40 minutes underwater feeding, and then they come up to the surface and breathe for a few minutes before returning to the depths.  when a whale sleeps, only half of its brain actually rests.  the other half remains alert.  that.is.pretty.damn.neat.  so when the whale comes up, it does not rear up out of the ocean with any kind of mad furious energy and you don't really get an idea of how big it is. 


it bobs up with a bit of a pffffft and some spray and you get to see some of its back and its blowhole as it breathes.  this is fascinating for a few minutes and then you wonder, "is the whale going to do anything interesting?"  the answer is no, not really.  the whale is tired and oxygen deprived.  it is going to breathe, and then it is going to arch its back slightly before diving down again. 


at that point, you will get to see its tail just before it disappears.  while that's pretty neat, it's still not anything like a whole whale.  ;)  don't get me wrong, it was cool, but it was a peaceful kind of cool, and not something you needed to frantically be taking pictures of.  we ended up seeing 3 whales surface (well, ok, 2 whales - one of them came up twice while we were out) and then dive down again.  after i'd taken pictures of the first 2, i just watched the third.

we also saw...dolphins!  and if you've never seen them in the wild before, you're really missing out.  they are like...flippy skippy joy.  i'm anthropomorphizing here, but i can't imagine that any creatures that move like that aren't in some way exuberant.  they literally fling themselves out of the water and then go crashing back into it.  they follow the boat, right up alongside it - like they're curious about it, and about you.  E. and i were laughing so hard we couldn't take pictures.  and then my batteries died, so i enjoyed them without recording them (it's hard to capture them on 'film' - they move so quickly).  dolphins PLAY.  and it strikes me that this is what i like about intelligent animals - dogs, dolphins, keas - they all get into mischief and really suck the marrow out of life.  it's delicious being around that.  humans can be so broody.  :)

posted by: juuitsu at April 19, 2007 05:31 | link | comments (2) |

"just an ordinary story 'bout the way things go.  round and around nobody knows, but the highway goes on forever.  that old highway rolls on forever."  - Oak Ridge Boys, Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight

posted by: juuitsu at April 19, 2007 04:25 | link | comments (1) |

i don't think i've heard anyone at work mention the VA Tech shootings.  which is interesting. 

i didn't know anything had happened until late yesterday after work, when i came here and read someone's blog entry about how someone *else* had decided to stop reading her blog because she hadn't mentioned the shootings in a timely manner.  which is just...  come on.  how completely obnoxious.  of course every damn one of us should be sculpting a proper emotional outpouring this very minute.  it is our duty as americans, as writers - document this! 

how do you feel? 

the world is a wacky and dangerous place.  and there are wacky and dangerous people in it.  and every so often they remind us of their existence by doing something really horrible and really public so that it's so very much in our faces we can't ignore it.  it's tragic, yes.  it's sad, yes.  it's also exhausting.  another terribly misunderstood young man decides to take the power back.  and he's dead (along with a lot of other people).  and he was probably really disturbed.  and we'll never really know, will we?  it feels like this story has been told over and over again, with the protagonists finding the same *ultimate* solution.  "hell, i'm just going to blow everyone away.  it doesn't fucking matter anymore."  what do you *do* about that? 

and i know this sounds macabre, but he achieved one of his (stated) goals - he got everyone to think about something a little bit more important and basic for awhile.  survival.

posted by: juuitsu at April 19, 2007 04:21 | link | comments |

i made this today while i was researching *fun* links for teens...


she is very sparkly.  that's her *aura.*  she's shazzar, the superhero.  i'm not sure if she has a gimmick yet.  i only got so far as prettifying her.  you can make your own with the hero machine.

posted by: juuitsu at April 17, 2007 03:22 | link | comments (5) |

good morning.  i am eating muesli.  meeeeeyoooooooosilllllly.  there are bits of dried fruit in it that i can't identify and each time i bite into one and wonder, "what IS that?" i get a bit more concerned.  i thought there were some blueberries, but none of them tastes like blueberries (unless they lose a lot of their intensity through being dried...which i guess is  possible.  pig).  i could be eating anything.  hm.  well, best case scenario - the bits are really some kind of radioactive soy protein and i'm going to come out of this experience chock full o' super powers.  it'd be nice if i could lase someone with a scathing glance, though, probably not worth the legal fees that would ensue.  *zap*

posted by: juuitsu at April 16, 2007 13:58 | link | comments (2) |

Christchurch, day 3...

E. arrived today, and we left her instructions to take a nap and then visit the botanical gardens.  C. and i headed off on a bus to take in a view from the gondolas...they're those little cable cars that take you up to a viewing area/gift shop/restaurant.  the view was good.  there were also some hiking trails at the top, so we hiked out to another view. 

we met E. in the evening to catch a Maori performance (Ko Tane) at Willowbank Reserve- Christchurch's premiere kiwi-bird center.  a guide told us a little bit about Maori culture and beliefs (panthesists) and then took us on a walk to see what a traditional Maori village looked like.  we met some Maori on the way and they *challenged* us.  our *leader* (some guy in our group) had to show that our intentions were peaceful.  he picked up a fern that the Maori warrior had laid at his feet and then they exchanged a breathy greeting - nose to cheek.  they performed a few songs and dances for us, and people were invited to participate in and learn one of the women's dances and a haka (that intimidation dance that the men do with all of the chest and thigh slapping, eye-rolling, and sticking out of tongues).  the haka was really the coolest part. 

i'm pretty sure that the people performing were real Maori, but they also said that the Maori don't really go by how much Maori blood you have - if you *consider* yourself Maori that's good enough for them.  :) i think that there's been a rather recent revitalization and interest in Maori culture there, so they're doing what they can to educate people about it.  i'm not sure that there are any Maori living in traditional ways anymore.  i looked at some photographs of Maori people from back in the day when i was at the art gallery, and their facial markings were scars, and not inked tattoos or paint like they are today.  so that seems to be different.  there may be more of a Maori presence on the North island, as the winters on the South island (where we spent all of our time) were too cold for them, so they visited more than stayed and established a presence there.


 this guy reminded me of my brother.

we got a tour of the birds (and some other animals) after that.  i took some pictures of the kiwis we saw, but since we couldn't use a flash in the kiwi house (they're nocturnal and they didn't want bright lights disturbing them) all of those came out black.  reminded me of those postcards that say things like "Chicago at Night!" and all you get is the black card (Chicago's a bad example.  there's so much light pollution there, you never get any fully dark moments).  i didn't save any of those, but i'm sure you can imagine exactly what they were like.  the highlights of the tour were hearing about the keas - alpine parrots that are intelligent and playful and get into people's things/cars and destroy stuff (not maliciously, but because they're interested and hungry and beaky) - and the tame eels (which i did not get to meet - alas - but which kept my curiosity tingling all evening).

"those are the shrieking eels!...they always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh!" no! no! these eels are verrry nice-ah.

what the heck is a tame eel? and why didn't our guide bring them out to meet us? i'd have loved to make their acquaintance!

posted by: juuitsu at April 14, 2007 05:10 | link | comments (3) |

so, i didn't get one of the super awesome amazon grants for libraries.  bugger.  but that's ok, because i'm sure the places that did get them can also really use them.  libraries can only get cooler.  :)  as a result, i've been ordering all the stuff through our normal channels that was sitting on a wishlist for the amazon grant.  stop me if i've told you (haha, i'd like to see you try) about the Tragic Life of Tom the Bunny.  no?  great...

tom is a bunny character in a series of kids' picture books.  these are either in Spanish or are bilingual Spanish/English, and i've not had a chance to actually read them (but you can bet i'll be checking out the lot as soon as they come in!), but they're books specifically written for children to help them adjust to new or difficult things and alleviate their fears or give them some idea of what to expect.  here are the titles:

Tom Goes to School
Tom Has Nightmares
Tom Gets Lost
Tom Goes to the Hospital
Tom's New House
Tom's Birthday
Tom's Little Sister
Tom's Dead Grandfather (no, wait, this is probably more like Tom's Grandfather Dies...i forget)

i think it would be fun to arrange these in the most macabre way possible.  poor tom.  he just keeps soldiering on despite all of this adversity.  he truly is a bunny with serious mettle.

another title i ran across was "Mysterio en la Profundidad de Mi Cama."  which i initially incorrectly translated as, "the profound mystery in my bed."  actually, it's "mystery in the depths of my bed."  which still sounds kinda racy for a picture book, don't you think?

posted by: juuitsu at April 14, 2007 04:38 | link | comments (1) |

as i was moving bookcases last night, i paused to enter all my books into Shelfari - it didn't take as long as i thought it would.  i don't know if i'll use it much, but hey, now i've done it and i can stop complaining about how these sorts of things sap all my energy and interest before i even get started.  wait.  i didn't complain about that here.  right.  so, did you want me to?  *evil grin*  there are just so many cool gadgets and websites and tools that people are making and i want to play with them all...but these things - like cataloging one's whole collection of books - can be a huge time investment.  and then you find you don't use them.  and then someone comes up with the next new thing and you're all, "shit.  i can't believe i spent so much time/money/effort on that other thing when now there's THIS!"  so, instead, what i've *been* doing is just going through this process in my head until i'm good and exhausted and then i haven't wasted any time/money/effort, but i haven't gotten any real benefit out of it either.  i was hoping some place would hire me to do this so that i don't feel like i'm spending ALL of my free time in front of the computer.  cuz that's stupid.

my point.

my point was not to bitch about how little time i have to play with things.  i wanted to tell you about this book that's on my shelf - it's one of the few kids' picture books i own - "Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch," by Eileen Spinelli and Paul Yalowitz.  i love this book.  i found it years ago when i was working at Crown Books and was reorganizing our children's picture book shelves (for the millionth time).  Mr. Hatch is this quiet, unassuming guy, who lives a quiet and unremarkable life, alone.  he's always by himself and it's become a routine for him.  on Valentine's Day, Mr. Hatch's mailman delivers a big heart-shaped box of chocolates sent by a "Secret Admirer," and Mr. Hatch is surprised and delighted.  he can't imagine who the secret admirer is, but he's so filled with excitement and happiness that he starts talking to people.  he does all sorts of crazy stuff - bakes cookies for the neighborhood, invites people over, visits with folks at work.  his whole life changes.  and soon he isn't even thinking about who his secret admirer might be anymore.  and then, then, the mailman comes back and says that there's been a mistake.  the box was meant to go to someone else.  and all of the happiness and shine that was just radiating out of Mr. Hatch disappears.  he collapses back into that guy that he used to be.  except that now he knows that no one loved him.  no one thought he was special.  he was a mistake.  he's totally crushed.  but this time, people notice how sad and withdrawn he is, and everyone wonders, 'what happened to Mr. Hatch?'  and they find out about the candy, and the mistake and realize that Mr. Hatch thinks nobody loves him.  but he's wrong.  because everyone who's met him and knows him cares about him.  so they throw him a big surprise party, and when he comes outside everyone is shouting and holding up a big sign that says, "Everyone Loves You, Mr. Hatch!"   i think everyone needs this.

posted by: juuitsu at April 14, 2007 04:24 | link | comments |

talking about Toledo made me think about how we make reality tolerable for ourselves.  there are different kinds of lies - ones that hurt, ones that don't, ones we choose to buy into, ones that are forced upon us... 

i was trying to figure out why i'd decided on Toledo way back when.  here's what i came up with: 1.) i became really wary of religion at some point in my childhood.  people were always forcing me to go to church and i Didn't Want to GO.  and their ideas of what god expected of me and mine were really different.  i never got into it with any religious instructors or anything, i just calmly thought my own things.  and as i was standing up at the altar at the tender age of 13 i had a revelation - "i don't believe any of this."  that was during my confirmation ceremony.  you might say that would have been an excellent time to bring it up...except it would also have been a horrible time.  if i'd been really brave i would have said something (and probably mortified my mother)...so i had to wait three more years until i was old enough to get a job that got me out of going to church on Sundays.  right.  anyway, because i was at least *wary* of religion, i wasn't completely sold on the heaven thing.  it's out of my realm of experience AND no one can prove it's there.  it's not on any maps.  except for the ones that peloquin and i drew in high school.  Toledo, at least, is a real place.  2.) quirky and weird even then, i decided it would be much *cooler* to have your pets go somewhere in the midwest instead of dying and going to heaven (who doesn't love the comparison of Toledo with heaven?).  i'd never been to Toledo at that point.  3.) i'm sure i'd heard of "Toledo" not too long before that, which is why it was convenient to mind when i came up with my theory.  4.) some people would call this a lie.  i, myself, find it difficult to verify.  but it's a fantasy i buy into because it's amusing and it makes me smile even when i feel like crying.  and i've always used humor to diffuse things and make myself and others feel better.

fantasies...maybe that's the word (and the distinction) that i'm looking for.  we tell ourselves lies, but some of those lies are fantasies, or lies that we know are lies, but that we buy into *not* to brainwash ourselves or because we really believe, but because they're fun, or make us feel better, or because we *wish* that that's how the world was. 

the lies hurt because up until the moment we discover the truth, we believed. 

posted by: juuitsu at April 14, 2007 04:02 | link | comments (1) |

when i talked to mr. wang last night he told me his dog, sadie, was dying.  sadie's been a good ole girl - around for 11 people years, and she was experiencing a lot of those old dog ailments.  i told him that he didn't have to worry - pets don't really die, after all, they just go to Toledo.  that's what i decided, anyway, back when i was a kid.  Toledo's a great place for animals.  if you're a doberman, like sadie, there's lots of other dogs to play with and bite, plenty of good table scraps, lots of chin and ear rubs, and i bet there are even some squirrels to chase.  Toledo.  rocks.  i got a message from him this morning that said, simply, "sadie left for Toledo about 45 minutes ago."  sad, you know?  but it made me smile.  i told bom this story this morning, and it made *her* cry.  granted, she just lost a guinea pig to Toledo, and she'd been looking at pictures of wee piggies that need homes all morning, so she was primed a bit.  next time you drive by Toledo, be sure to shout/wave/or in some other way acknowledge all the very loved pets that live there now.

posted by: juuitsu at April 14, 2007 03:35 | link | comments |

Astrid
    
Astrid felt the vibrations travel down her arm as her tiny, insignificant dagger connected with the lizardman's bony carapace.  There it lodged, and when the lizardman swung his head, Astrid was still too stunned to release her grip on it.  She was flung.  Her elbow buzzed unpleasantly as she flew.  Astrid briefly noted the odd coloration of the sky - an oozing, petulant expanse of pus.  There was no time to consider the aesthetics, however, as her flight culminated abrubtly against the ruined wall.  She felt portions of her skeleton fracture with the impact.  It was only Tuesday.

(an exercise in violently short fiction...)

posted by: juuitsu at April 13, 2007 21:33 | link | comments (2) |

i'm reading a recipe for pizza sauce.  this suggests that i roast the tomatoes...that sounds really good.  did you know that "roasting tomatoes" works really well in place of "waltzing matilda" in the waltzing matilda song?  now i just need some more words...

roasting tomatoes, roasting tomatoes...


did i mention i need sleep? 

posted by: juuitsu at April 12, 2007 20:30 | link | comments (2) |

i discovered the botanical gardens after wandering out of the art gallery.  they're huge.  you can get lost in them - but it'll be a pleasant sort of lostness.  they have water gardens, lots of flower and shrub-lined paths, huge trees, a special rose garden and much, much more.  the gardens are in Hagley park.  i'm loathe to admit - as girly as it is - how much i liked the rose arbors.  they hit my inner princess hard and fast and she was delighted, nay, enchanted by them. 


you would have been, too.  all that was lacking was a bit of privacy.  i'm not sure how i snapped this picture without anyone walking into it.  the inner sanctum of the rose garden was filled with people oohing and aahing over the different varieties of roses (admittedly, i was doing the same, but less vocally).  it's a pretty magical place, though.

much later...

"been...walking...forever...to find a grocery store.  no such luck."  i pretty much walked ALL day.  i got back to my hostel around 5 and called C. (who had just arrived that afternoon), who met me for dinner.  you'd *think* it would be easy to find a grocery store in a big city, but you'd be wrong.  it's like my theory of Denny's (or McDonald's) - you see them wherever you go and so you assume that they're everywhere, but as soon as you *want* one, or you're convinced that there's one on whatever road you happen to be on, they all get scared and disappear - you'll be lucky to find one after that).  what NZ does have a lot of are "dairy marts" or convenience stores, that stock a few essentials, but don't have the kind of selection or produce/dairy sections that the big stores do.  after my unsuccessful attempts to locate a grocery store by *accident* (aka, stumbling across one by chance), i located a phone book and looked up "supermarket."  there *was*, in fact, one on the very road i was walking down.  so i kept walking.  and walking.  AND WALKING.  for miles.  and then i got tired and got thai food.  and kept walking.  and walking.  AND WALKING.  for miles.  and then i found the mall - AND the grocery store was attached to it.  bliss!  relief.  LOTS OF WALKING ON THE WAY BACK.  i was almost too tired to go out again and meet C.

posted by: juuitsu at April 12, 2007 05:07 | link | comments (4) |

second day in Christchurch (note: i'm filling in the NZ stuff gradually - i was going to do it so it'd be all in one chunk, but i keep having intervening thoughts, and i'm cranky about putting them off until i finish this *task* i've set myself, so prepare for the temporally DISJOINTED ADVENTURES - bnl? - of ME)...

yeah, after the rain and the hail i was a wee bit scared to poke my head out of the hostel the following morning, but i needn't have been.  the sun was shining and the weather was pretty much perfect for the next 12 days.  seriously.  it rained again the day that E&C left Queenstown (but it was a light pretty rain AND i got pictures of a rainbow happening *right* over the bungy jump place - YES!  and NO, i did not go bungy jumping - i'm not that kind of crazy).  so i went wandering - into town this time, as opposed to away from it. 

i wandered into the art gallery (free!) and found some cool things.  one painting that i was immediately drawn to had these tall egyptian-looking bird creatures that looked to be dressed in high fashion patterened silk form-fitting suits.  the composition was very dark and broody, and the bird creatures were rigidly erect and gazing off into the distance.  the painting dripped with some kind of dark ooze, like it was raining or befouled or industrial, or otherworldly.  i picked up a card reproduction of it, which i mailed off to oberon (and though i've googled "dripping bird painting christchurch art gallery" in a number of combinations, i'm not finding what it was called or who did it.  or i'd link it.  sorry.  perhaps o. will chime in with a link for me.  o.? <edit> indeed, o. to the rescue.  the painting is by Bill Hammond, and it's called "Fall of Icarus." </edit>

another one that caught my eye was "In the Wizard's Garden" by George Dunlop Leslie, which i correctly (*consults journal*) placed as victorian (that's definitely a surprise - i *always* get my periods mixed up).  i was reading about the symbolism and it gave me the giggles.  young woman in the foreground of the garden, dark shadowy man-figure standing in the gate.  the description said that the woman was obviously contemplating losing her virginity (to the man in the gate?)...indicated by 1.) her thoughtful expression (hm, he's hot...), 2.) the unsheathed garden shears with their sharp pointy bits gleaming (symbolizing what exactly? are garden shears a normal victorian phallic symbol?), 3.) the winter vine (??  uh, no idea on that one), and 4.) the man/wizard in the gate (yes, i *did* actually pick up on that one).  also?  check out the way she's lifted her dress to reveal her slip/petticoat.  that's like...practically naked.  *swoons in distress*



the craziest thing i saw at the art gallery, though, was the big inflatable rabbit that was laying on its side in the lobby.  i had to get a picture of that, because how often does one see large prone inflatable rabbits in art galleries on the other side of the world?  don't answer that.  i thought it was still in the process of being displayed...like, maybe it was incompletely inflated and that's why it was laying on its side.  saw a picture of it in the paper the following day, though, and it was *supposed* to be like that.  i guess new zealanders are not as fond of rabbits as, say, i am.  i didn't see many wild ones when i was in NZ, but if they're as prolific as they are in Australia, then i can see why NZers might appreciate this...mockery of bunnykind.

posted by: juuitsu at April 12, 2007 04:51 | link | comments (1) |

i was up half the night trying to figure out how to install a random quote generating program on my website (not my blogsite).  i finally got the database end of it set up (victory fist pump!), and then all that seemed to be required was to *include* an .asp file in the html file for my website.  except that i do that and nothing happens.  and the syntax appears to be correct from the examples i looked at, so i'm perplexed as to why it won't do like i want it to do.  *shrug*  it is another one of those computer mysteries that i'm going to let simmer in the back of my head for awhile, with the hope that a few hours or days (or weeks) from now i will suddenly be inspired and i'll figure it all out.  i made a LOT of progress last night with the database and the interface for adding random quotes, so i'm pretty thrilled/satisfied with that.  whenever i try to explain this to people using plain speech it comes out all garbled.  i suspect i'm starting to sound like One of Those People Who Knows Things About Computers.  do not be misled.  i only know a couple of things.  which are nothing compared to the things that other people know.  i can, however, speak jargon.  blah blah blah, Ginger.

as a result, i have no dreams to share with you.  because when i finally did go to sleep, i slept like i was dead - that is to say, without dreams, dreamless.  when i finally stumbled away from my computer, i nearly fell over i was so very stiff.  that is what lifting weights and then sitting motionless for 6 hours at the computer desk will do to one.  i don't recommend it. 

i got up early to go for a walk.  HA.  HA!  winter conspired against me.  it is freakin' april and there's snow on the ground.  i am boycotting everything.  i don't think that everything cares, though.  i walked over to the front window in my underwear and just stared at all the snow.  what the hell is going on?  then i realized that i could probably just as easily gape at the snow in something less revealing and warmer.  mm.  blankets!  it did not disappear, and really, that's what you want horrible visions to do.  you just want to blink, blink, blink and they're gone.  damn if i know who to submit my complaints to, therefore, i shall have to give voice to them here, "THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.  MAKE IT STOP!"  seriously.  winter is getting me down.

because i didn't want to walk through the snow YET AGAIN, i put on this yoga/taichi/dance/stretch dvd i borrowed from the library.  um.  let's just say the premise was good...but it was hard to take the instructor seriously when she wiggled her hips and flung her arms about and said, "OK!  moooooove like water!"  i think i was hoping for something slightly more choreographed?  i can move like water just fine without artistic direction.  :)  after we moved like water asychronously, i headed over to IHOP for breakfast with a friend.  i brought a bunch of the marshmallow peeps(tm) along with me so i could take pictures of them having adventures at IHOP (we're running a contest at work for the most inspired peeps(tm) pictures).  mine swam in syrup, arranged themselves artfully among the half&half and then took a dip in a water glass...  i swear, EVERY time i did something with the peeps(tm), our waitress/server would walk by and ask us if we were doing ok.  i started to feel like i was the kid who's always getting caught doing something bad.  she never *said* anything to me, but i could feel the disapproval...most pronounced, perhaps, when we poured the hot maple syrup over the peeps(tm) - which were sitting in the creamer dish.  yeah.  in the future, i really need to *think* my impulses through before i act on them.

posted by: juuitsu at April 12, 2007 04:14 | link | comments (3) |

it started with a trip to church while i was carrying my rabbit, powder.  we hadn't headed there on purpose.  nevertheless, that is where we ended up.  it was cold and dark and we were searching for shelter - or, rather, *i* was searching for shelter.  powder was struggling and trying to get away from me at any cost.  he hates being picked up.  my hand was just inches away from the door knob when i saw someone inside keying their way into an office and i decided that i didn't want to deal with any uncomfortable questions.  thwarted, we continued to another set of doors which led us into the church proper - the sanctuary.  there were many people there - all singing, practicing for some choral event.  i climbed to the top of the room without realizing there was a huge drop off behind us and the only way to get up into the balcony from where we were was to shimmy through a slit in the wall above the abyss...with a struggling rabbit.  yeah.  not going to happen.  i scooted down a few steps and tried to hold onto powder.  the rehearsal continued around us.  there was some phenomenal female singer who was in the balcony area (so we couldn't see her).  but as soon as she finished, everyone went wild with congratulations about her performance.  we slipped out to the hall where two guys were standing - one of who was holding a cat.  he ran out with the cat, and then returned almost immediately without it.  we spied several other people with and then without cats before i learned that there was a very mysterious and secret alteration clinic taking place outside.

that's when things got wonky. 

i lost my rabbit, knew that i'd see those two guys again and found myself dressed in a huge fluffy pink dress - with hair ribbons - and carrying a satchel filled with my medical instruments.  i was some kind of doctor interviewing for a position at a prestigious girls' school.  fabulous.  i felt a bit like Dr. Quinn, medicine woman.  a serving woman enters, bringing me bowls of noodles in containers with lids.  there are five or six of them and she tells me to refresh myself.  i do.    there's an egg in mine - hard boiled - and when i bite into it, a sword and spear and shield (all miniature) fall out and begin to grow.  i am cast into this glowing light space and something huge comes toward me.  the *owner* of the objects.  she doesn't look very congenial, so i grab the spear and shield and attack her.  i manage to defeat her in the mighty battle that ensues.  the strange light disappears and i *awaken* on the ground in the parlor with my horrible dress foofed out all around me.  plus weapons.  the serving woman is also on the floor whispering in horror - "oh no, oh no, those were the..."  yeah, who knows.  what it IS important to know is that there's another one of those remaining containers, and when IT finds out what i've done to its sister, all hell is going to break loose.  silly me, wanting to be a physician!  so the serving lady and  i go through all the remaining containers searching for the other, but we're not finding it.  the egg it contains/contained is gone.  shit.  she leaves the room to continue the search in the kitchen.  i follow, but return to the parlor when she fails to find anything.  perhaps we overlooked it?  in the parlor i encounter one of the guys i'd left in the hallway before things went wonky.  he's smiling at me in a disconcerting way...and licking one of his fingers.  ALL of the containers are empty.  "who ARE you?" i ask, realizing as i say it that this is not a very useful question.  "sir william," he answers with a sneer.  ah.  sir william darling...the name of a legend - like sir lancelot or robin hood - some do-gooder vigilante who's ace with his weapon, AND the ladies, but a rogue all the same.  he can't really be sir william.  he has, however, definitely eaten the egg.  dammit.  now i have a nemesis.  one who knows that i know.  he grins and then leaps out the window with a "farewell, my lady.  we shall meet again."  i lose my composure and yell after him, "come back here, darling!"  which, i realize as i awaken, sounds completely ridiculous.

posted by: juuitsu at April 10, 2007 06:08 | link | comments (5) |

excerpt from "Lost It" by Kristen Tracy...

"'Foundation is another word for practical lingerie.  Have your breasts grown?  Do you need a new brassiere?  Do you need help measuring your bosom?'
    My grandmother stared right at my chest as she asked her questions.
    'That's very invasive of you,' I whispered, folding my arms and covering them up.  'And we're in public.'
    'Filling out is a thing to be proud of.  Have you tried a push-up brassiere?  I think it's good to hoist the girls up as high as possible.'
    My blushing intensified.  My grandma noticed.
    'Ah to be young,' she said.  'And embarrassed by your own breasts.'
    'I'm not embarrassed by them,' I whispered.  'I just don't talk about them at the bagel shop.  They're sacred.'
    My grandmother shrugged.  'Boobs are boobs.  And yours are quite nice.'
    As I sat there, I couldn't wait to get to a phone and tell Ben about all my suffering.  I'd been abandoned by my parents.  My best friend had been shipped away.  And my primary caregiver was obsessed with my breasts."
(p. 126)

posted by: juuitsu at April 09, 2007 03:34 | link | comments |

we interrupt this blog (or i do, unless i'm the royal me, er...we...better come in again...) to bring you this:

Lose the Gonads

posted by: juuitsu at April 06, 2007 00:20 | link | comments |

one thing i did a lot of whenever i had some downtime in new zealand was dig out my paper journal.  i've become so addicted to blogging whatever's on my mind...whether or not it's appropriate.  the blog is like the electronic scratchpad in my head.  blogging became more convenient after i got one of those real big clunker-type hardbound journals from borders - the paper journal suddenly took a lot of effort to bring everywhere.  i finally abandoned it mid-outpouring a few months ago and bought a smaller, lighter composition book (my preferred paper journal type).  as a result of my new paperly portability, i have lots of notes about what we did and where we went - which *should* help me remember everything.  :)  especially if i ever decide to put all of the pictures and the stories and the places together in some cohesive way.  like, er...now, maybe.  *grin*

on the way out i flew from chicago --> san francisco --> aukland --> christchurch. 
time spent traveling: 23 hours, 55 minutes.  my itinerary actually says "this flight arrives TWO days later."  international date line, yo?

on the air new zealand planes they have a view screen built into the back of every seat and a whole bunch of movies and tv shows you can watch, music to listen to, and even video games you can play on the neverending 13 hour flight from san francisco to aukland.  it is the rockingest thing ever.  i watched Happy Feet and History Boys and then fell asleep during Fight Club.  watched a few episodes of the Extras several hours later (w2media introduced me to that back around christmas), and then we landed.  the transition from aukland to christchurch was pretty painless - it's a wee hours of the morning flight and they just keep you in the international terminal in aukland and then have you go through customs when you get to christchurch.  it's nice not to have to find your luggage and go through all of the rigamarole and then put it on ANOTHER plane...(much sloppier on the way back to the states).

i didn't book anywhere to stay in advance.  i think this was some minor revolt of character on my part because we did book all of our other accomodations prior to arriving in country.  not booking in advance worked out just fine.  i'd picked out the frauenreisehaus from my list of backpackers/hostels in christchurch, and they had a single room available.  woo!  i was so discombobulated when i got off the final plane that i opened our conversation with something completely inane like, "hi!  i just got off a plane!"  yeaaaaaah. 

pretty much every town on the south island is equipped to handle the needs of a traveler seeking accomodation, entertainment, information, etc.  everyone seems to want to know what you've been doing and where you're going next and they'll offer advice and recommendations (and directions!).  and that's just the casual side of it.  there are literally FORMAL information centers EVERYWHERE.  and you can book pretty much anything from any place.  want to go bungy jumping after you hang glide and catch your bus to queenstown? they can make it happen.  there's a nice big information center in the airport in christchurch, and i headed over there to find out what buses to take into town.  i grabbed a bunch of brochures and then went out the door without any clue as to *where* i was going.  i passed a bus with its door open and asked if it was going to the city center and how much it cost.  seven dollars new zealand later i was on the bus with my map and headed into town.  navigation was easy.  walking to the hostel from city center was easy.  checking in was easy.  staying awake after flying for 24 hours?  not so easy.  (traveling by myself makes me feel really competent - like i can handle anything if i can get myself between here and there and figure out how to navigate in a completely new place.)


this is the frauenreisehaus (i think i've finally spelled it right).  i'm not sure what the "reise" bit means.  my german-speaking parents thought it might mean "rising," so altogether it could be house of the rising women (witches?).  there are little witches on brooms signs all over the property.  the hostel is comprised of this building which you see in the picture here, and the next house to the left (behind the trees) and other buildings behind (and down the drive to the right of the central one).  i stayed in the one known as "french house," which did not in any way describe the ethnicities of we the people rooming there.  i think we were all at least partially japanese.  the other house is known as japanese house...*shrug* go figure.  there were a variety of rooms - dorms, shares, singles, doubles, etc.  plus there were communal kitchens, laundry facilities (free!), clotheslines, tv lounges, etc.  and outside - in the back - there was a central courtyard with lots of comfy places to sit, two guinea pigs, a fish pond, a BUNNY, AND intermittent cats.  it was fantastic.  there were also bikes and helmets available if you wanted to explore on two wheels (also free).  i did not notice that the bush out front had a face cut into it until i uploaded my pictures this evening.  i love surprises. :)

i decided to take a walk as soon as i'd had a shower, because it was only 9 a.m. and i'd still so much day to go and so much tired to keep at bay.  (the best way i've found for adjusting to a new time zone is to stay up as late as you normally would into the night of wherever place you happen to be and THEN go to bed.  you'll be a little tired initially, but it puts you on the right schedule immediately.)  about 45 minutes into my walk i ran into a conveniently placed bakery/cafe (the original bread company).  it had the most scrumptious-looking lemon poppy seed muffins ever.  not that i'm a connoisseur of such things, but if you'd seen it, you'd know...it was a medium-largeish muffin with a nicely raised top, poppy seed freckles, and a generous dollop of lemon icing.  oh the icing.  i got one.  it was inevitable.  there were a bunch of people outside the cafe having breakfast and chatting and i kept thinking how wonderful it would be to have a regular breakfast date with someone.  a slow, restful, sun-filled morning with warm muffins (and icing) and other sustenance and good conversation.  there are people in town here where i live who sit on their porches or stoops on weekend mornings as the sun is coming up - sipping coffee, talking quietly to one another, or watching their children/pets run around the yard in front of them.  it's very...peaceful and ordinary and comfortable.  i like a slow and luxurious waking-up with lots of stretching and snuggling, and further retreats into blankets and nappingses before a leisurely breakfast.  not that i have time for this regularly, but it's completely delicious when i do.

not so very long after, i found a peaceful river/canal to walk along, a park to sit in, and an army of ducks that accosted me.  i did *not* bring out my muffin.  and after i'd walked a loooong way along the river, i noticed the sky was clouding up.  and then a few drops of rain fell on me.  and then a few more.  and then it was pouring, and then there was thunder, and lightning, and HAIL!  and gusty winds!  and soon i was soaked.  so i hurried back to the hostel (it was now after 2 p.m.) after buying some crackers and peanut butter, and changed clothes and climbed under the covers to get warm.  uh oh.  *thud*  i fell asleep for a reeeeally long time.  until 2 a.m.  so much for my jet lag remedy.  finished the book i was reading around 5:30 a.m. and slept a few more hours before venturing out again.

posted by: juuitsu at April 04, 2007 04:27 | link | comments (3) |

it has been a very disconcerting first day back.  i got up late in the middle of a thunderstorm - it was dark, dark, dark outside (which was fine by me, because i could have slept, slept, slept at least another 4 hours).  while driving to work, i became confused when i thought too hard about which was my turn signal and which were my wipers (it's opposite in new zealand).  i'll probably have this figured out again by tomorrow.  probably.  (and i seem to be repeating myself a lot.)

there is so much! 

i had a really good time, but i'm also happy to be back.  my happiness at my backedness was somewhat tainted by the airline losing my luggage on the way back.  and even that wouldn't have been such a big deal, except that after having traveled nearly 24 hours, i had to then stand in line for another 2 hours to file a claim and sort it all out.  a line that did not move.  a line that did not seem to be accomplishing much of anything.  as soon as the woman in front of me got to the head of the line, the customer service representative informed us all that she was going on her break.  what the hell!  she had to pee.  and i understand.  but why did she take an hour to talk to the people just before us??  i am baffled.  and then my folks came and picked me up and took me back to their house and put dinner in front of me